My insecurity and constant need for validation is pushing my boyfriend away

You’ve already taken a big step by recognising that you want and deserve healthier relationships

Many victims of abuse can get into abusive relationships again, because they internalise the idea that bad treatment is what they deserve and is what love feels like. Photograph: Getty Images

Many victims of abuse can get into abusive relationships again, because they internalise the idea that bad treatment is what they deserve and is what love feels like. Photograph: Getty Images

Dear Roe,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and I love him very much. When we’re together we don’t really argue and could easily spend days together. When we’re apart though, I tend to overthink things a lot. If he didn’t call when he said he was going to or isn’t paying attention when I’m speaking on the phone, I build these moments up in my head and see them all as, “it’s over, he doesn’t love me, I’m just convenient”. I know that I’m very insecure and I’m aware that I need quite a bit of validation from him. When it’s not there I can get moody and annoyed.

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