My girlfriend is always saying she is too sick to have sex

Dear Roe: We have had sex twice in six months, I can see myself getting frustrated

‘Don’t look at physical affection and intimacy as stepping stones, or a means to an end’ Photograph: iStock

‘Don’t look at physical affection and intimacy as stepping stones, or a means to an end’ Photograph: iStock

Dear Roe,
My girlfriend of two years rarely wants to have sex any more, and will rarely instigate any sexual activity. This is mainly due to repeatedly getting sick – with headaches, colds, coughs, too tired, too stressed. In the past six months we have had sex twice. I can’t start anything romantically, and kissing and hugging for five-10 minutes is as far as it gets. I love her and won’t leave her over this. Honestly, if it continues I can see myself getting frustrated. I have brought it up and she gives out saying I’m not allowed pressure her into anything, but then she starts crying and telling me not to leave her over it and she’ll try to work on it.

Your girlfriend sounds like she needs to visit a doctor. Not because she’s not interested in sex right now, which is a very normal response to feeling sick, but because she sounds utterly run down, stressed and ill – as though her immune system isn’t protecting her like it should. All of these things are horrible on their own, and collectively sound like she could be suffering from stress or burnout, or could have an underlying medical condition that’s causing illness, fatigue and a low sex drive.

The Irish Times
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