‘If my wife discovered my affair, she might just have a nervous breakdown’

Tell Me About It: You are being deceitful while being the dutiful father and husband

You describe your new love in luminous terms and perhaps this has been maintained due to the distance and the idyllic manner in which you communicate. Photograph: iStock

You describe your new love in luminous terms and perhaps this has been maintained due to the distance and the idyllic manner in which you communicate. Photograph: iStock

Eight months ago, I was at a conference and I saw a beautiful woman across a crowded room. Since that moment I have been head over heels in love. I have nurtured, watered and watched the flower of this love grow, despite our being separated by 200 miles of land and water.

It has been a beautiful thing, with poetry, passion and deep and meaningful connections. The problem is that I’m a happily married man with two children, and my wife of 15 years has no idea about the relationship, which I have taken great pains to keep secret. No one knows about it apart from myself, my lover and her best friend. I say happily married because our family life is good, our communication and our sex life too. However, honesty is an important part of my marriage and I have never cheated before, but my question for you, Trish, is this: if the love affair makes me a happier man, and enables me to love my wife more fully and effectively, and she too is happy (she tells me she is, and certainly seems to be) then why would I put my wife through the pain of discovery, the painful process of coming to terms with another woman in our relationship and all that this could do (eg the potential breakup of our family)?

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