Health

A father writes: ‘My daughter deserves the right to choose’

Abortion referendum: She was 19. I was 20. We made a choice and our daughter is now six

Anonymous
Mon May 21 2018 - 06:01

There are many different reasons women terminate their pregnancies, or continue with them in challenging circumstances. In advance of the referendum on whether to retain or repeal the Eighth Amendment on May 25th, The Irish Times has asked readers (women and men) to share their personal experiences. This is one of the stories we received.
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My partner was 19. I was 20. We were crashing in a rich friend’s spare room in a firetrap basement flat in Dublin. One way in and one way out. Trapped under four stories of Georgian brick and mortar with nothing to our name but a pregnancy test.

I despaired over our material condition – no jobs, me a recent college dropout, and no permanent address. My concerns were mostly financial. It seems some of the indestructible armour of self confidence (or at least, wilful bloodymindedness) that is the gift and curse of every young person was still mine to enjoy for a time.

My partner’s anxiety was rooted in family – her mother and father having concealed the parentage of an older sibling until the rest were old enough to do the maths from the wedding date and realise there were seven years to spare.

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So we made a choice.

Our daughter started school this year.

She will be six soon and we will have to move out of the apartment we have made our home for three years shortly after her birthday. She asks me where we are going to move to and I tell her I don’t know yet. An unfortunate truth. She tells me about whether she’d like to marry a boy or a girl and I say she can do either. I am glad this was made into a truth three years ago. She asks how babies are made and we give her a stripped back version of it. She is satisfied and mercifully doesn’t ask about the mechanics. A cowardly truth. We’ll explain the whole deal later.

She says she would like a baby, but only when she’s “old” – she wants to open a sweet shop first. I tell her she can do whatever she chooses to.

I’ve lied to her.

There is a referendum coming. Friends of mine have been accosted on trains for wearing the wrong badges. A citizens assembly was called and its recommendations disregarded by those in favour of retaining the Eighth Amendment. People style themselves as “Pro Life” and presume to anoint themselves the unelected protectors of our children, but I never see them call around to ask if we need help with babysitting or finding a new place to put a roof over my wonderful child’s head.

Some TDs say they need to make a decision that can let them sleep at night.

If I could, I'd tell them not to worry. They never lost any sleep when the housing stock bottomed out, or when the children's allowance was cut. They are not losing sleep to child homelessness, or the lack of justice for the victims of abuse at the hands of unfeeling institutions in the Catholic Church. They certainly never lost any sleep hearing stories of the women forced on to boats just to see a doctor.

If I could, I’d tell anyone who thinks they need to protect the unborn that maybe they should stop getting in the way of women making their own decisions and get on with making the country a better place for the rest of us.

I want my daughter to have that sweet shop and that baby.

I want her to have them in whatever order she chooses.

She deserves the right to choose.

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