‘I’m worried that if I marry my boyfriend, I’ll miss being with someone smart’

Ask Roe: ‘I usually know more than he does and he doesn’t challenge me like my exes did’

You will always be able to find intellectual stimulation in the world around you, but you can’t substitute a great partner.  Photograph: iStock

You will always be able to find intellectual stimulation in the world around you, but you can’t substitute a great partner. Photograph: iStock

Dear Roe,
I’m a 32-year-old woman and I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. We’ve recently been lightly broaching the topic of getting married. These conversations have made me think about our relationship and it’s largely fantastic. My boyfriend is incredibly kind, patient and open-hearted which fuels his work and our relationship. He’s funny and good to my family and our sex life is fantastic. He also loves me and makes that very clear all the time. He tells me I’m beautiful and wonderful and he appreciates that I’m smart, which is important to me.

But that’s also my one niggling problem. He’s not intellectual like many of my other boyfriends have been. He appreciates my opinions and we can talk about books and films and politics, but I usually know more than he does and he doesn’t challenge me like my exes did. Granted, most of my exes were terrible – they’d cheat or they weren’t kind to me or were patronising – so I don’t want them back. But I’m worried that if I marry my boyfriend, I’ll miss being with someone smart.

The Irish Times
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