I keep obsessing over people who are already in relationships

Ask Roe: Your obsession makes sense. You’re scared of a new relationship, scared of the risk

Obsessions are another form of safety net themselves; by focusing on people who are unavailable, you get to ignore the literally hundreds of thousands of people who are available. Photograph: Getty

Obsessions are another form of safety net themselves; by focusing on people who are unavailable, you get to ignore the literally hundreds of thousands of people who are available. Photograph: Getty

Dear Roe,

I am a gay man who has had one long-term relationship. This was recently ended by my former partner, leaving me with feelings of hurt and rejection. I have developed obsessive thoughts about gay people I know who are attractive and kind but who are in committed relationships. Part of the narrative in my head is that I could be in a relationship with the person if my former partner had not dragged out our relationship when he was no longer invested in it. I feel ashamed that I am fantasising about the break-up of other people’s relationships. How can I get rid of these pointless obsessions?

The Irish Times
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