Bringing up baby: the cultural divide

Two Irish studies show ethnic background is a key factor in influencing child-rearing decisions. ROSITA BOLANDasks immigrant parents in Ireland about their attitudes to breastfeeding, childcare and discipline

BEING A mother is an experience collectively shared by women throughout the world. But how do ethnic and cultural backgrounds inform the decisions parents, particularly women, then make in the process of raising their children?

This week, the infant cohort section of Growing Up in Ireland, the national longitudinal study of children, was published. Titled "Infants and their Families", the report was a co-production between the Economic and Social Research Institute (ESRI), and Trinity College Dublin (TCD) and examined numerous aspects of childhood in Ireland.

The researchers interviewed both Irish mothers and mothers living in the State who were born outside Ireland. Among its findings was the contrast in the uptake of breastfeeding between the two cohorts of women. Those born outside Ireland were more likely to breastfeed (83 per cent, as opposed to 49 per cent of Irish women).

Elizabeth Nixon is a psychologist working out of the Children’s Research Centre in TCD. For the last two years, she has been working on research focused on parental ethno-theories among Irish parents and parents immigrating to Ireland.

“It’s a small sample of 40 parents in total,” Nixon reports. “There are 14 Irish, 13 Polish, and 13 Nigerian. We interviewed them when their children were two months and then again at nine months. We were interested in looking at the Irish parents as a comparison to the immigrant mothers. We were really trying to get at the cultural aspects of beliefs about parenting,” she explains.

Although the data has yet to be published, Nixon has noted various trends. Apart from the contrasts in breastfeeding patterns, she saw differences in the way parents talked about their beliefs on discipline.

“As one might expect, there was a range of perspective in terms of using physical punishment, as would be common in some cultures. It’s all about the meaning of the behaviour within a certain context. Irish parents are more permissive and lax in their parenting. Obedience is more highly valued in other cultures.

“In Ireland, physical punishment is seen as much less acceptable. However, physical punishment in Nigeria, for instance, is widespread for children. So this then is work that some of those mothers have to do about parenting in Ireland. Do they stick with the culture from their country or origin, or do they change their behaviour? Parents not from Ireland realise there is a process of assimilation in society.”

The cohort of Polish mothers were found “to be broadly similar to the Irish group. However, given they are immigrants, they seemed to lack a lot of family support the Irish would would have. Polish parents seem to be more isolated.

An Indian mother raising two sons here

Aparan Shukla is Indian, and has two sons, four and six. She and her husband Prashant have been living in Ireland for nine years.

“I live my life as if I am in India, and stick to nearly the same traditions. Everyone I know in India breastfeeds. It is taken for granted you will do this. I fed my children for six months. I am a midwife and am very surprised at how few Irish mothers breastfeed. My sister fed her child until he was three or four, but this is a little much, perhaps.

“We eat a lot of nuts during pregnancy: I ate cashew and peanuts. We think it helps against allergies. For weaning we have a special ceremony. Between five and six months old, you bring the baby into a temple, and then the baby is offered rice pudding for the first time. We went back to India both times for this ceremony.

“It may sound lunatic, but co-sleeping is very common in India. Our first child slept in the bed with me until he was two. The second baby arrived when he was 17 months. I had the baby in a cot beside the bed, and the little boy was in the bed. It is quite normal for most of the Indian mothers.

“Again, as a midwife, I was very surprised to learn you don’t promote co-sleeping. I’ve never heard of any mother who would have rolled over on the baby – if the mother is drunk maybe, but if you were in your full senses how could you roll on a baby? Besides, if you are breastfeeding, you have to be awake two or three times a night! There was a time when my husband and I each slept with one child in a bed in different rooms. But now they have their own room. They share a bed.

“My husband and I share the child care. We don’t like using childminders, but we have two we use when we have to, one Indian and one Irish.

“When the boys were small, I didn’t have any strict routine; they always went to bed when we did. Now they go to bed at eight. The discipline of having a routine is something I have learned from Irish culture.”

A Nigerian mother rearing a daughter alone

Issy Orjiakor is a single mother from Nigeria, and has a two-year-old daughter. She has lived in Ireland for four years.

“I breastfed for the first month but it was so difficult I couldn’t handle it and I stopped. I wish my mum was here, and she could have helped me, because it takes time.

“I went back to work when she was four months old. I have two childminders, who have been looking after her since she was a baby; they are Nigerian. For me it is hard, because my family hasn’t seen my daughter yet, especially my mother.

“My daughter likes sleeping. She sleeps even before six o’clock in the evening, and wakes up at seven in the morning. She loves her sleep.

“In Africa, a child belongs to everyone, not just to you. But in Ireland, your daughter is your daughter and it’s just the parents who have a daughter, not the community.

“What I miss most is that in Nigeria, childminding is free. It’s given by your mum, brothers, sisters-in-law, family friends. If you want to go out, you can even call your neighbours to take the child. My mum’s sister lived with us when I was a child, and she took care of me. It was so easy. In Africa, when your baby is born, someone in the family volunteers to come and stay. In Africa you are free: even if you have a child, you can do whatever you like.

“Here in Ireland, childcare puts so much pressure on me. There is an African community here, but it is another world here in Ireland. In Africa, we are all sisters even when we are not sisters, but in Ireland, nothing is free. We are in a different world here. We don’t take money from each other for childcare in Africa, but in Ireland, it is different and everything is all about money all the time. There is not the same support here from the community to each other at all.

“If a child falls on the ground in Africa, everyone goes to pick them up, and if a child is crying on the street, everyone will go to help, because the child belongs to the community. It’s very different in Ireland. Everyone minds his own business on the street. Nobody cares. In Africa you will never see a child of 10 smoking. It wouldn’t happen; the community would not allow it, they would punish the child. But when I worked in MacDonald’s in Dublin, I saw very young Irish kids coming in with cans and vodka and cigarettes.”

A Zimbabwean mother whose daughter lives in Africa

Yolanda Nyathi moved to Ireland from Zimbabwe 11 years ago. Her daughter lived with her here for two years and is now in a boarding school in Zimbabwe

“I’ve been in Ireland 11 years. My daughter was six when I came here. I left her at home in Zimbabwe with my mother. It’s the normal thing. I knew she was safe with my mother. From when she was six to 11, I didn’t see her, but we talked on the phone almost every day.

“When she was 11, she came to Ireland for two years and now she is at boarding school in Zimbabwe. She’s on Christmas holidays now and she’s with her cousin. She can go wherever she likes; she has lots of family to stay with. Here in Ireland, she had me, but she was on her own most of the time, so it’s better for her to be with her relatives in Africa.

“In Africa, we still have that old model of raising kids: you don’t spare the rod when training kids. We still have that belief. We train kids to be disciplined. With some kids it’s easy to talk to them, but some of them you keep on repeating and repeating what you want them to do, and they don’t do it, and you end up punishing them.

“I was raised that way. If my parents were not around, and I was misbehaving – like being rude to elders – other people would discipline me. I was not only slapped, I was caned. It can be by every person older than you. It takes a village to raise a kid. Every kid belong to the community.

“Whether discipline works or not depends on the child. In my family, we were four. My eldest sister, she was the worst kid and she didn’t get better from the beatings. I didn’t beat my daughter because she was a mature kid. I punished her instead by stopping things she’s supposed to be getting, or by not talking to her.

“Here in Ireland, it has changed a bit. People have accepted they are not in Africa, and they must abide by the rules of the country. But I think it probably goes on in private.”