Oliver Coles in conversation with TONY CLAYTON-LEA.

What's on your rider?Ghetto blaster, Billy Joel CDs, really old fruit and not enough booze for a mouse, usually.

What would be on your fantasy rider?Billy Joel in person and some curly wurlies.

What's your pre-gig ritual/ routine? Nerves, followed by booze, followed by numerous trips to the loo thinking I need to pee but never quite achieving that.

How do you get to the gig – limo, taxi, walking?I walk, doesn't matter how far. Sometimes if the gig is in Europe I have to start walking maybe a week or two before the gig. If I take a ferry I pace the deck until I land – I have giant calves.

What's the best gig you've been to?Mama's Boys in the St Vincent de Paul hall in Kells, Co Meath.

And the worst?Probably one of mine. Most, of course, have been excellent.

Ecologically speaking, are you closer to Radiohead or Motörhead?I don't understand this question, so I'm gonna say Howth Head.

Who is the most famous person to have shown up at one of your gigs? Simon Cowell. It's true; he came to have a look at my old band. He said we were schizophrenic. He was dead right.

Most embarrassing on-stage moment?There are so many, but I used to fall a lot. I once played a gig with a few rolled- up socks in my pants for the amusement of the rest of the band. I had an enormous crotch, which I had to constantly adjust and then at last concede defeat and remove onstage. Ah, well.

Chatting between songs: good or bad?I like to talk to the crowd. I wanna meet them, see what they're about. If we all get on well, then it's gonna be a good gig.

Groupies. Would you?Nope, I like singlies.

Have you a special stage wardrobe?Ikea.

Do you like to meet and greet fans after the gig?No, I have nothing in common with them.

What's the worst thing ever thrown at you?An insincere compliment.

Who's invited to your aftershow party?Billy Joel, but he never shows. Someday, someday.

Oliver Cole plays Crawdaddy, Dublin, tonight