Eiffel 65: Europop (Eternal Records)

You might think us music hacks have an easy life, getting into all the big gigs, drinking lots of free beer and hanging around backstage with the stars, and you'd be right. But it's not all parties and press trips to LA, you know. Eventually we have to pay for all this fun by listening to an Eiffel 65 album. These Italian bozos look like Kajagoogoo from outer space, and sound like a 10-year-old Nick Kershaw around the time he got his first Casio from Santa. We've already suffered their horrible Number One hit, Blue (Da Ba Dee), and it looks like the equally execrable Move Your Body might also chart. There's more of the same in My Console (a paean to the joys of Playstation) and Hyperlink (Deep Down) - sample lyric: "I want a click, a click to your heart/ A hyperlink into you". God, we hacks work bloody hard.

- Kevin Courtney

The Cure: Bloodflowers (Fiction)

Being a goth means having mid-life crises even in your teens, but what happens when the Big Goth himself, Robert Smith, actually hits the big four-oh? Nothing much has changed, apparently: Smith is still as dour and dark as ever, and his life is still fraught with the usual ghosts, demons and spiders. Watching Me Fall is an excruciating 11-minute tumble into screaming self-doubt; 39 is almost as interminable, Smith smouldering on about how "the fire is almost dead and there's nothing left to burn". The cruel irony is that, just when Smith has reached the age where his cod-existential lyrics may finally ring true, the rest of the world probably doesn't care any more.

- Kevin Courtney

Jon Lucien: Love Everlasting (BMG)

If Terry Callier can make it back from the margins, maybe there's hope for Jon Lucien, too. This Best Of compilation gets to the very heart of Lucien's appeal, showcasing his great warm swathe of a voice, delicious jazz-dance grooves, beautiful Latin touches and sweet soul ballads. The Northern Soul scene certainly clicked with Lucien, turning the up-tempo likes of Listen Love, Would You Believe In Me and the superfly A Sunny Day into dance floor staples. When it came to ballads, Rashida and Lady Love would certainly show the new soul chaps another way to ooh and aah. Last spotted guesting on Mucho Macho's fine Easy Livin' single at the tail-end of 1999: here's hoping for more Lucien in 2000.

- Jim Carroll