Race to Witch Mountain

THIS WEEKEND, there will, I suspect, be more than a few fathers groaning about the fact that they are forced to watch Duane Johnson (formerly The Rock) rather than Vin Diesel (formerly Mark Vincent).

I don’t know what they’re whingeing about. If compelled to sit in front of a monosyllabic tough guy for two hours, I’d pick the charming Duane over the surly Vin any day. It’s like being offered a choice between ice cream and ice.

None of which is to suggest that Race to Witch Mountainis significantly better than Fast & Furious. A remake of the 1975 Disney picture Escape to Witch Mountain, Andy Fickman's harmless family romp finds Duane playing Jack Bruno, a surly taxi driver on the Las Vegas strip. One particularly hectic day, Jack picks up two strange children (AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig) and is persuaded to drive them deep into the desert. It transpires that the kids are friendly aliens and that the government – in the sinister person of Ciaran Hinds – is angrily on their trail. Jack also has to contend with an extra-terrestrial hitman and a gang of hoodlums in an SUV.

The notes suggest that Race to Witch Mountainis intended as an "updating" of the 1975 movie, but, in truth, it could have been released at any time in the intervening three decades. The kids convey their alien nature through the tried and trusted method of saying "do not" for "don't" and by consistently using the full name of humans they encounter. ("I do not comprehend, Jack Bruno." That sort of thing.) The crummy special effects would not look out of place on Pertwee-era Dr Who, and postmodern irony is conspicuous by its absence.

Are these bad things? Not necessarily.

The picture does have a creaky charm to it that should placate Dads sulkily wishing they were watching engine porn in the cinema next door. I’ve seen both films chaps and you’re not doing too poorly out of the deal.

Directed by Andy Fickman Starring Dwayne Johnson, AnnaSophia Robb, Carla Gugino, Ciaran Hinds, Alexander Ludwig PG cert, gen release, 98 min★★