A music awards show really needs the following: all assorted nominees and guests to be given the privilege of a well-stocked open bar for a few hours before the whole shebang kicks off; an impromptu Kanye West-style “This award should have gone to me because I Am The Greatest” intervention; at least one fistfight (and preferably on the stage in full view of the cameras); and lashings of bitterness and bile about not being nominated/not winning anything.
Music awards represent the music industry at their crass, self-congratulating, mendacious worst. Before various offices of fair trading and busybody broadcasting regulation bodies began to shine their lights on how these events were organised, it was no secret that some awards ceremonies were carved up by the major labels and were more sales opportunity than democratic reflections of the best music in any given year.
Having sat through more of these farragoes than is good for anyone, I can see why proceedings frequently go “off message”.
The organisers of the big international events corral a bunch of needy, insecure, megalomaniac performers into a hotel ballroom, throw in a river of champagne, light the touchpaper and wait for the fireworks.
With the entire music industry watching, along with a sizeable proportion of the viewing public, a well-executed “stunt” at a music awards ceremony will ensure that you grab the headlines for the next few days. From Jarvis Cocker stage-invading Michael Jackson at the 1996 Brit Awards, to any of Kanye West’s unscheduled appearances, to Chumbawamba throwing a bucket of water over British politician John Prescott, it’s all grist to the music awards show mill.
Every year, at every ceremony, there are cries of “fix” and “vote rigging”. Opening certain categories to public phone votes has only made this problem worse, as any act out there can mobilise their social-networking fanbase and leap, like Rage Against the Machine, over the runaway favourite.
Our very own Meteor Awards – the Irish, eh, equivalent of the Brits and the Grammys – takes place at the RDS (and what’s wrong the spanking new 02?) on February 19th. The problem here is that, truthfully, we only have one real VIP in this country (Bono), so there’s no need to hire a red carpet for the night. That is, unless you count TV3 presenters as VIPs – which most of the Dublin media apparently do.
The Meteors are split into two. There’s the Irish half which, given our population, suffers from a sense of sameness (Westlife have won the Best Pop Band category for the past nine years; U2 have frequently been Best Irish Band), so focus naturally turns to the international category.
This year’s Meteors take place just three days after the Brit Awards so a lot of the acts at the latter will be shoved on a plane and deposited, possibly still drunk, outside the RDS.
U2 and Westlife again feature among this year’s nominations (as well as The Coronas and Delorentos), while Florence the Machine, Kasabian and Muse all feature in the international category.
After a perusal of the Irish nominations, it seems to me that some names are there just to make up the numbers, although, again, given the population the Meteors are drawing from, this is unavoidable.
And it's good to see The Duckworth-Lewis Method in the Best Irish Album category. As is de rigueurwith awards ceremonies these days, there's a new category this year for Most Promising New Irish Artist, which is for an unsigned act.
The international categories (Band/Male/Female/Album/Live Performance) mirror the selections of other international events. With a few of these nominees – Kasabian, Florence, Pixie Lott – expected but not guaranteed to turn up and perform at the show itself, the whole TV package can be sold on to music channels around the world.
Always hamstrung by the fact that they are immediately preceded by the Grammys at the end of January and the Brits – both shows have much higher celebrity wattage – The Meteors do what they can with what is available. And with whoever can be lured over to the RDS.
The full list of this year’s Meteor nominees is at www.themeteors.ie.
boyd@irishtimes.com
