‘I got hot sauce in my bag...’: Beyoncé’s guide to Dublin

Okay ladies, now let’s get in formation. Whaddup Dublin, it’s your Queen here. Beyoncé. Yes. I Am . . . Beyoncé. So by now you’ve all heard I’m gracing your village with my presence again this July, and I know you can’t wait. And neither can I.

Crow Park? Croak Park? None of y’all seem to be able to pronounce this properly for me. Someone told me it’s in a place called Ballybough, which just sounds like the cutest, quietest country village. I’m blessed and excited to be visiting your gay sports stadium there. It’s amazing to hear how far y’all have come.

Now as you know, Dublin is like a second home to me. Every time you people make me feel so welcome. And I feel like I’ve experienced the city sufficiently to give you Beyoncé Personal Guide To Dublin For Other Visiting Megastars. You’re welcome.

I’ve been drinkin’, I’ve been drinkin’, mostly when I visited the Guinness factory back in 2009. But two years ago, I hit up The Temple Bar for an Irish coffee. No joke. Y’all have a problem putting whiskey in your coffee. That shit is gangster. Question: I think I was overcharged, but some people told me that’s just the price of alcohol in Temple Bar, so I got Jay to put some cobblestones in front of 40/40 and jack up the prices saying there was an authenticity tax. You guys have that down. I’ve tried to stay out late in Dublin, but we took 45 minutes to get all dressed up and never made it to Coppers.

Kim and Ye go all out when they come to Ireland, staying in places like Ballyfin and then being all weird and going to tiny local cinemas, but I like to keep things central at the Fitzwilliam. Now I know what you’re thinking, “what’s up Beyoncé? Why don’t you stay at the Merrion like Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi?” Truth be told, I just want to be nearby Asha in St Stephen’s Green shopping centre. They have the best hoodies, and I’m always looking for inspiration for House of Deréon. Slay.

So, I’m in Dublin, I’m hungry, I keep repeating that cornbread and collard greens line, so where to eat? I’ve been up in Coppinger Row and Fade Street Social, but everyone keeps telling me about this Grogans place where they do a “special toasted sandwich”. I think what makes it special is that I’ll be eating it, so that is next on my list. I got hot sauce in my bag.

When you’re trying to work off that Guinness and champagne U2 send to everyone when they play here (like it’s sweet, but also, get over me), there’s only one spot to hit up, and that’s the Phoenix Park. Flawless. You can ride a bike without any haters noticing you, hang out in the playground, go to the zoo, this place is the best. I might just have to bring Solange here so she can get zen, roam free and calm the f*** down. If you scared call that reverend.

So, see you in July, Dublin, love you like XO.