It's Christmas time so, in keeping with my obligations under the columnists' licensing laws, I've compiled a quiz on the events of the year. To make it easier (and soften the news that I'm too cheap to offer a prize) the answers are given in multiple-choice format. We start with geography.
1. In which ocean is Ireland located?
(a) The North Atlantic (b) The Mid-Atlantic (c) The Caribbean, if you have the right accountant
2. A scene involving Irish livestock got which British TV programme into hot water?
(a) Emmerdale Farm (b) Wildlife on One (c) Eastenders
3. One of these animals is thought to be extinct; one is a protected species; and the next person who mentions the other one in my company again will also be threatened with extinction. Which is which?
(a) The tiger (b) The Tasmanian tiger (c) The C**t*c T*g*r
4. Which soap opera dramatising everyday Irish life attracted record viewing numbers this year?
(a) Fair City, RTE 1 (b) Konvenience Korner, Radio One (c) Rocca v Ryan, Court 4
5. Overcrowding and violence among inmates emerged as a problem in 1997. Where?
(a) Ireland's prisons (b) The guest bedroom at Blackhall Stud
6. What was the slogan accompanying Bertie Ahern's election posters?
(a) Lock up your daughters (b) Get up the yard (c) People before politics
7. Which film title was inadvertently mentioned in evidence at the Proinsias De Rossa v Sunday In- dependent libel case?
(a) A Letter To Breznev (b) To Russia With Love (c) Gorky Park
8. Who or what was John Furze?
(a) The Man (b) The Third Man (c) The Grand Cayman
9. Apart from Charles Haughey, the most famous name in "The Ansbacher Deposits" is:
(a) (b) (c)
(Note: The normal multiple choice service is not available here, for legal reasons. We apologise for the inconvenience).
10. Who visited Downing Street for the first time in 75 years?
(a) The British Labour Party (b) Santa Claus (c) Sinn Fein
11. Who was banished from Number 10, amid rumours that Cherie Blair was allergic to his whiskers?
(a) Gerry Adams (b) Humphrey the Cat
12. What, controversially, did the British hand over to China?
(a) Humphrey the Cat (b) Hong Kong
13. According to evidence heard in court, which of the following became an international terrorist after being called fat at school?
(a) Carlos the jackal (b) Nellie the elephant (c) Dollie the sheep
14. Manchester United and the Spice Girls. What's the link?
(a) They're both crap (b) They both change their outfits a lot (c) They've got nothing up front
15. What caused nervousness on Wall Street in November?
(a) Too much coffee (b) A close finish in the World Series (c) Rumours that the current Beavis and Butthead season may be the last.
16. A children's TV cartoon caused violent nervous reactions among viewers. Where?
(a) Wall Street (b) Among parents who couldn't buy Teletubbies (c) Japan
17. President Clinton acquired a new pet this year. What's it called?
(a) "Paula Jones" (b) "Gennifer Flowers" (c) "Buddy"
18. The work of which controversial American artist of eastern European origin was exhibited in Dublin this year?
(a) Arnold Schwarzeneggar (b) Andy Warhol
19. What, controversially, was the subject of ongoing speculation concerning possible relocation to Dublin?
(a) The Northern Ireland Office (b) Wimbledon Football Club
20. Why didn't Ireland win the Eurovision Song Contest?
(a) El Nino (b) An eleventh-hour deal between EU leaders (c) There is a God
21. What was found in a skip outside the Progressive Democrats' offices?
(a) Michael McDowell (b) The party's fundraising records (c) A journalist searching for (2)
22. Finally, which jolly old philanthropist will be responsible for all good children everywhere getting presents tonight?
(a) Charlie McCreevy (b) The Irish Times editor (c) Santa Claus (Note: More than one possible correct answer to this one).
Tie-breaker: In case of more than one all-correct entry, complete this slogan in not more than 500 words: "I voted for a Presidency of Embrace because. . ." Then send your answers to this address, accompanied by a £20 note. Alternatively, you can just send the £20 note. And have a very happy Christmas.
