Bruni's personal reasons for not watching her film

REEL NEWS:When Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris(not at all bad, incidentally) opened the festival on Wednesday night, some uninformed punters could still be found eagerly awaiting the arrival of the conspicuously invisible Carla Bruni.

To be fair to the organisers, even if the film had not featured a brief appearance by the first lady, it would still have been a front runner for opening film. The French love the Woodster and the notion of a movie set in their capital is too delicious to resist.

Nonetheless les grandes perruques(big wigs) must have hoped that the fragrant Franco-Italian model would make her way to the Palais, but earlier this week Bruni told Le Parisien: "I dreamed of going, and I regret it, but I cannot for personal reasons, and professional reasons, unfortunately."

The ambiguous phrase has been taken as informal confirmation that Bruni is carrying at least one addition – the notion of twins has been bandied about – to the Sarkozy clan.

But conspiracy theorists wondered if the real reason for her non-appearance was the festival's decision to screen Xavier Durringer's La Conquête, which is a vicious satire of President Sarkozy's frailties. Bruni has expressed concern at the film's handling of the premier's earlier relationships.

"I would really like to watch this film with that same sense of distance, but I'm not sure I can," she said.

Mr President, first question: are you talking to me? And second question: did you f*** my wife? Merci beaucoup

A journalist tries to be funny at a Cannes press conference for Robert De Niro, president of the jury. The quip is met with tumbleweed silence