Doghouse

 

In a scenario that inevitably recalls the recent, wretched Lesbian Vampire Killers, six male friends leave London for a weekend break in the country. The plan is to cheer up one of them struggling to come to terms with his divorce, but it’s clear from the opening sequence that they all have relationship problems. These geezers say “fack” a lot and each has the Match of the Day theme as his ringtone.

Their destination is a village that just happens to be overrun by “an army of pissed-off, man-hating feminist cannibals”. These apparently indestructible “zombirds” are mostly dressed in low-cut uniforms indicating their professions and suggesting a sexual fetish were they not so grotesque. “Now is not the

time to stop objectifying women,” one of the men unexpectedly remarks in one of the screenplay’s few complete sentences.

The guys are dim, but the zombirds are so susceptible that they fall for the ruse when the screenplay contrives to get some of the men in drag. The soundtrack music nods blatantly to Ennio Morricone’s western scores as this schlocky horror show trundles along its blood-splattered way and we wonder if better roles are so hard to find for the movie’s more than capable leading actors.

Directed by Jake West. Starring Danny Dyer, Stephen Graham, Noel Clarke, Lee Ingleby, Emil Marwa. 15A cert, lim release, 89 min