Dear Aunt Klivinia,

A greeting from Ireland! We arrive from Macedonia on Monday and very happy to be here. Ireland is good place, I think. But is very strange place. At least part of it we in, called Kerry. Somebody say it kingdom though I have thought Ireland democratic republic. No doubt explanation soon.

First of all, Ireland wet. Very, very, very wet. We get off our plane in Farranfore, the rain it is falling in large bucket-loads and we soaked within two minutes. This "soft day" in Kerry we told. I not understand. I drowning.

We are being given first greeting on arrival in Farranfore by Meez Leez O'Donnell, who something in government. She pretty lady remind me of my first wife, very blonde and much lipstick. Camera like her I think, interpreter tell me posh paper Irish Times run picture of her three times weekly and two times on Saturday just give boost to sales. It work, too, he say.

But main man to welcome us to Ireland is Jakee Hee Lee Rae. This Jakee very jolly roly-poly fellow with strange cap and red face is I think King of Kerry and also independent government person having personal control of all budgets. For independent person I never see someone have so much support.

I like Jakee much, he make me go laugh. And I ask him, if this is "soft" Irish day, what is hard difficult day like? Jakee start falling about laughing and say something which sound like "gwannoutadat, yaboye!" and slap me on back so I nearly fall down.

I have no idea what he mean. Anyway Jakee then introduce me to many people because he know everybody in Kingdom. One big man is Jeemy and he say he appoint himself my personal cultural adviser and give me protection against all "cute Kerry hooers, knackers, fly-be-nights, sharp operators, gombeen-men, chancers, con men, carpetbaggers, blow-ins, fast talkers, fraudsters, jumped-up would-be merchant princes and all the other shaggers only waitin' for ye round every corner".

I not realise Kerry so dangerous. Perhaps it safer at home in Kosovo. But all Jeemy want in return is my friendship and "shure maybe the odd drink". Is very kind deal, I think.

Later we have cultural orientation course but first is welcome reception which take place in "public house".

This turn out not actually house at all but shop selling drink. It seem about 6,000 people invited, though Farranfore have only 389 people and public house only hold maybe 80.

For one hour, is free all drink - Jakee arrange that government pay, I think. It madness. Everybody straightaway order about sixteen "pints" and many "half-ones". This beer and whiskey, I understand. Never in my life I see such ocean of drink flowing. But when warning given that free bar finally close it like end of world announced. Is one big heartbreak scene.

I am given many black drink in very big glass. This "Guinness", Jeemy say, it good for you. I believe Jeemy. I drink much Guinness.

In cultural orientation course next morning we told of something in Ireland history called Great Hunger, yet I think it now replaced by Great Thirst. But people very quiet in village this morning and I not like to comment.

Also, Aunt Klivinia, I not feeling too good myself. Jeemy meet me in public house at mid-day and I tell him my trouble and he say I just need "hair of dog". I think first he insult me, say I am dog-eater, but he explain that is "hair of dog who bite you". I tell him no dog harm me. He continue to explain. Is very complicated, but I think I understand when I am having fourth Guinness for Jeemy and myself and many new pals. Jeemy is right! I have many hairs of dog and feel much better though a little dizzy, but nice dizzy.

We all talk of dogs for a while and I tell about my Gonzo, who I am sad without him, then everybody talk of cats and rabbits and birds and other pets, and then someone say whole country is gone to the dogs, and everyone laugh, and then Jeemy he say arrah fekk the whole menagerie but God save the Celtic tiger, and everybody laugh more, and me too, though is first time I learn is tiger in Ireland, and Jakee Hee Lee Rae roll in and say we have it be the bloody tail in Kerry, and everybody laugh head off and is more Guinness arriving and is agreed we all to stay "until cows come home" as Jeemy says, and it seem this will take some time.

I think I will like this Kerry. I write soon again, Aunt Klivinia, when I not so dizzy.

Your loving nephew,

Drion.