Splash out on a cruise

A cruise on the Mediterranean in hot October sun took Frances O'Rourkefrom Venice to Monte Carlo via Dubrovnik, Sorrento and Rome. But life on board a six-star luxury ship was so good, it was hard to go ashore

THE HIGHLIGHT wasn't, after all, the plush comfort of the penthouse with its own deck overlooking the Mediterranean, or quaffing champagne as we glided out to sea, the Venice skyline receding in the distance to the strains of the ship's signature song, It's a Wonderful World.

It was, many agreed, the sight of a volcano on the island of Stromboli erupting at midnight as we sailed towards Sorrento from Dubrovnik. The ship’s captain had promised to slow down to give passengers a chance to see a sight few of us are likely ever to view again, and Stromboli delivered. There was a brightness in one spot over the dark coastal hills, a distant rumble, then sparks of burning red bursting up into the night sky.

A cruise is all sorts of things: it’s a holiday in a wonderful hotel with every kind of entertainment laid on, a way of visiting places you may never have been before, and even if you have, viewing them from a new perspective, an opportunity – if you resist the temptation to switch on the news or the internet – to truly get away from it all.

Cruise novices, like myself, seemed few and far between on Crystal Serenity, a six-star luxury cruise ship which sailed from Venice to Monte Carlo (via places like Dubrovnik, Sorrento and Rome) on a Mediterranean cruise at the beginning of October. Once people start cruising, it seems they get hooked on it for good.

Indeed, one woman on board loves it so much, she’s made it her home for close to the past three years. Plaques on a wall near the central atrium list 32 passengers who have taken 100 Crystal Cruises holidays in 22 years; one, commemorated as a “bicenturion”, took 200 trips in that period.

After just a day on board it’s easy to see how it could be – if you had the money – addictive. First of all there’s the food, from gourmet to diner, caviar to burgers. There’s the diversions available – shows, casino, nightclub, disco, piano bar, a library, movies. The activities – pool, gym, yoga, pilates, Nordic walking, tennis, golf driving range. Classes – in computers, bridge, piano, languages, even napkin folding and scarf tying. Spa treatments. Lectures, from fashion to current affairs. Services like a daily newsletter with news from your own country. A bit of shopping. And of course shore excursions, more than most on this trip around the Med.

People who have been on cruises will know that this is more or less the standard format on ships nowadays. The difference on a luxury ship (apart from the price) is the smaller numbers and faultless service. Everywhere you move there is a smiling staff member offering to carry your tray from buffet to table, to get more coffee, to spread a napkin on your lap in the formal diningroom, to get you another glass of iced water by the pool, and, if you are in a penthouse suite, a personal butler delivering afternoon tea to your room every day.

Although sometimes you might wonder if it hurts to have to smile so constantly, the 635 staff from 42 counties (serving 835 passengers, a ratio which explains the great service) seem genuinely friendly. (Neil Farnham, my constantly helpful Yorkshire butler, switched from working on freighters to cruise ships 16 years ago and has never looked back.)

ANYONE WHO HAS been on a cruise will warn of weight gain, tell you that it’s all about the food and indeed, it’s true. It’s hard to maintain any kind of self-restraint in the face of the cornucopia on offer. Food of some sort is available in half a dozen restaurants, formal or informal, at any hour of the night or day. And it’s excellent gourmet fare: who thought you could get tired of too much lobster?

The menus are extensive and varied and for evening meals, as well as the main diningroom on Crystal Serenity, there are two specialty restaurants: famous Japanese restaurateur Nobu Matsuhisa's Asian fusion Silk Road and Sushi Barand Italian restaurant Prego, overseen by chef Piero Selvaggio. There's also a cafe, a bar and grill, an ice cream bar, a bistro, afternoon tea and room service.

All food, like all but alcoholic drinks, is included in the overall price, which of course encourages your inner glutton, and it takes a few days to get a bit of sense and slow down so you can properly savour it.

The formality of a cruise ship is particularly associated with eating and night-time entertainment; the “dress code” literature in the cruise brochure was a tad intimidating, with “formal”, “informal” and “casual” nights and descriptions of appropriate wear for each. There’s much talk of tuxedos for men and “pantsuits” for women, conjuring up images of something dull in crimplene from the 1950s. In fact, most people dress smart sports casual by day; by night, the uniform is polo shirts and slacks for men.

Most women dress up a little most evenings, with particular glamour on the formal nights, with half the men in tuxes, the rest in dark suits, the women in chiffony frocks long and short or yes, glittery pantsuits. And as Crystal Serenityis an upmarket cruise ship, some of the women are very glamorous indeed, the kind of chiselled, nipped-and-tucked super-thin American types you see on TV.

Entertainment includes Broadway-style shows in a wonderfully equipped small theatre, essentially “best ofs” from musicals, performed by a highly professional troupe of singers and dancers, excellently costumed and directed.

At another end of the ship is a nightclub, or there’s the late night piano bar, and a disco. And the casino, the only place where drinks are free. And did I mention dancing?

Dancing – ballroom dancing with "ambassador hosts" (four retired gentlemen whose job on board is to dance partner women) to live music in the Palm Court – is what it's all about for ladies like Lee, a lively 82-year-old widow from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, who sold her house seven years ago so she could cruise on Crystal Serenityfull-time. "Momma Lee" as she has been christened by the staff, has been cruising since 1962, and gone on 54 trips with Crystal Cruises (and 200 before that). Her husband died 13 years ago and "the last thing he said to me before he died was 'don't stop cruising'," says Lee. Lee's four children and eight grandchildren love that she's on board with Crystal Cruises full-time – "they don't have to take care of me or worry about me" – and she loves it too, dancing twice a day, seven days a week, in the Palm Court every evening from 5.15pm to 6pm and at night, "sometimes 'til midnight".

“It’s a perfect life for a woman alone, all the staff look out for me, they’re like family now – except they’re always smiling.”

For nearly three years, she has lived on Crystal Serenity full-time, visiting home briefly when the ship docks in Miami for a few weeks in readiness for its world cruise.

Anne Brooks, a younger Englishwoman who has holidayed on cruise ships since she went on a school cruise as a teenager, explains that she needs a ship “where women are guaranteed plenty of opportunities to dance, unlike places on land where you can ballroom dance or on other more crowded ships”.

A cruise ship is a sociable sort of place, where people strike up friendships at the dinner table, in the casino or during any of the many on board activities. And the sheer unreserved friendliness of so many Americans – 60 per cent of the passengers on this cruise – makes this all the easier on Crystal Serenity. This can be handy when it comes to shore excursions; many cruise veterans will suggest that you team up with new friends to hire transport to go sightseeing, making considerable savings.

THE ECONOMICS OF cruising mean that expenses can mount up after you’ve paid your initial fare, even though there’s few places to spend money. And passengers are usually offered up to $1000 (€723) credit to spend on board.

Alcohol bills can rise quickly, as gratuities (see panel) will be added to every drink; there are a few clothes and jewellery shops and, of course, the casino. And shore excursions are expensive, and frequent on

Crystal Serenity

’s tour of the Med, where only two out of nine days were full-time at sea.

A return bus transfer only (no tour) to Rome from Civitavecchia, where the ship docks, cost $116 (€83) per person (compared to the €9 return fare for a one-hour train journey). Crystal Cruises make it easy to get ashore, with frequent boats or shuttle buses bringing you to one meeting point, so that you can explore independently if you wish.

Although an afternoon visit to Dubrovnik or a day-long excursion to Rome will only give you a snapshot view, it's a very pleasant way to visit. This cruise started in Venice, where a shuttle boat brought you from Crystal Serenityto a dock close to St Mark's Square. Other stops included Dubrovnik, Sorrento, Rome, Porto Venere – a beautiful small seaside village near the Cinque Terre in Italy – Livorno (gateway to Florence and Pisa), finishing in Monte Carlo.

The huge cruise ships – four and five at a time docking in all these ports – may look extraordinary from land. But they also afford views of Mediterranean cities you wouldn’t get from any other perspective.

It’s October 7th, the last day of the cruise, and here I am lying in 30-degree heat in a sparkling blue pool with the ship docked at Livorno, an hour-and-a-half’s drive from Florence. The crowds are on a “Florence – all the sights” excursion, a 10-and-a-half hour trip, leaving the pool to those lazy people who’d prefer a day basking in the sun. Clouds drift by and I’m stirred awake only by a gentle request: “another cold towel, madame” (a freezing cold flannel to cool down is proffered with tongs) or “another drink?”

It’s not the real world. But it is wonderful.

What it costs and who you're likely to meet

Prices

Crystal Cruises is offering a Mediterranean cruise in autumn 2011 with prices from £3,163 (€3,269) per person. This is based on an 11-night Venice-to-Barcelona cruise on board Crystal Serenity and includes free return economy air travel from London, transfers, 11 nights in a deluxe state room with picture window, and all meals, soft drinks and port taxes.

Prices can range from around this up to $27,725 (€19,899) pps for the over 93sq m (1,000sq ft) Crystal penthouse (there are just four of these).

Extras

Most passengers are given shipboard credit of up to $1,000 (€723) per person which can be spent on shore excursions, spa treatments, alcoholic beverages, purchases in the on board boutiques or gratuities. Gratuities – tips – for your stewardess, waiters and butler (on penthouse decks) are compulsory and will add up to about $200 (€145) per passenger. Tips of 15 per cent are added to all bar drinks and wines.

You could stay within your credit allowance if you’re careful: it’s important to check how much credit you are getting with your travel agent at time of booking.

Passengers can save from $1,000 to $3,000 (€700 to €2,150) if they book 15 months in advance. Full refunds are offered if a trip is cancelled 75 days before the cruise.

Shore excursions can be expensive (panoramic Florence costs $586/€424 per person, and it’s $277/€198 for a guided 10-hour tour of Rome). Internet connection costs $50 (€36) for two hours. Laundry and pressing costs $5 (€3.60) for a shirt; and pressing, $9.50 (€6.88) for a three-piece suit. But excellent well-equipped laundry rooms near cabins mean you can wash and iron for free.

Ages

The average age on board is sixtysomething. At Christmas, Thanksgiving, and in school holidays, the cruise gets younger families with children. The average age on the three-month world cruise is 68.

Crystal Serenity

This is one of two Crystal Cruises ships. The Japanese-owned, American-managed luxury cruise ship is a floating six-star hotel which can accommodate 1,070 people, but the maximum is usually 950, says hotel director Josef Lumetsberger, because many of its passengers travel alone. (Some cruise ships take over 5,000 passengers).

The accommodation includes deep American mattresses, polished granite double sinks, Aveda toiletries, Jacuzzi bath and separate shower in bathrooms, and balconies with most cabins, all of which has outside views.

Penthouses have separate kitchens, parquet floors, open-plan livingroom/diningroom, and walk-in dressingroom.

Booking

Contact Crystal Cruises on 00-44-207-2879040 or crystalcruises.co.uk. It will provide a list of travel agents in Ireland selling its cruises.

• Frances O'Rourke travelled as a guest of Crystal Cruises