Things that make you go 'ooh' about the Six Nations

There’s bad refereeing and pundits playing the buffoon, but the Championship always seems gets us going

There’s always something in a Six Nations Championship to stir the blood, but any player will tell you that it is really up when it precedes a Lions tour. The main source of joy for the punter though, is not just the rugby, it’s observing the buffoonery of the “experts” predicting “their Lions squad” prior to the Six Nations. It’s a bit like arranging a christening before you’ve met your partner. Or putting your children’s names down on a school waiting list before you’ve even . . . no sorry scratch that, that’s what everyone does.

The worst culprits of course are Sky Sports, who as the “exclusive” broadcaster of the upcoming jaunt “dan unda” got the build-up ball rolling back in September, just in case it might have escaped your attention that the event which takes place nine months later BELONGS TO SKY!

Their magazine-type show The Rugby Club is broadcast from England, has an English presenter, usually two English pundits on a panel of three, the third being from either Ireland or Wales (Scotland doesn’t get a look in at all obviously) so you might say there is a distinctly English flavour to proceedings. Five months ago Sky’s Lions Form Index Guide gave us a half-back paring of Lee Dickinson (Northampton) and Charlie Hodgson (Saracens) who’s aim is so bad, when he takes a seat he misses.

Names plucked from anywhere (although usually English) are thrown at the panel to be discussed – preferably without laughing – as genuine Lions contenders.

The presenter invariably ropes Scott Quinnell into it, and it goes something like

Skyman: “David Strettle’s performances on the wing for ’Quinns won’t have gone un-noticed by Warren Gatland will it Scott? A Lion in waiting?”

SQ: “Oh, absolutely fabulous, yes (he says, trying to remember who David Strettle is), he’s playing very eh well at the moment and eh (remembering he likes Sky ker-ching), certainly putting his hand up for, eh ahem, to be a Lion.” Yea right!

Presumably discussing the make up of the Lions squad nine months before a ball is kicked is part of what makes Sky Sports “exclusive”.

The Six Nations, on the other hand, is available to all and makes for perfect terrestrial telly, even if that includes Jeremy Guscott. No you can’t beat the Six Nations for tradition, but perhaps part of its appeal is also what makes its format a little rusty. But does the old banger of a rugby spectacle still work? Or does the entire tournament need a re-vamp? The following probably won’t help you make up your mind.

Three things to like about the Six Nations

1Pundits being buffoons. It’s always worth tuning in to see which one of the large selection of candidates can make the most nonsensical comment and become Six Nations Buffoon of the Year. Last year it was BBC’s John Inverdale after the 17-17 draw between France and Ireland for stating, “At one period in the second half France had 80 per cent possession.” Excuse me? Using similar logic Ireland must have had 100 per cent possession in the lead up to Tommy Bowe’s second try.

2Patronising England. We don’t get many chances to patronise our brethern from across the water, but over the last decade victories against the white tanks are as commonplace as a bad decision from Wayne Barnes. It also gives us the chance to savour the renowned wit of the England rugby supporter first hand. Nuggets such as: “I played with an Arish lad. He went to give blood and they told him they couldn’t accept it, ‘cause there wasn’t enough blood in his Guinness stream. Ha-ha!” Haaaghgh!