TV View: Gooch reveals his love of Costa Rica as Kenny continues to say no

Cunningham continues to paddle his own canoe to the bafflement of his fellow panellists

Colm Cooper: Dreams of playing for Costa Rica. Photograph: Alan Betson / The Irish Times

Colm Cooper: Dreams of playing for Costa Rica. Photograph: Alan Betson / The Irish Times

Tue, Jul 1, 2014, 07:05

Day 19. (“Does it ever actually end?” Hush now). And who should turn up on the RTÉ couch only Colm ‘Gooch’ Cooper, who, he told us, chose Gaelic football over soccer when he was 16, thus denying us our very own James ‘Gooch’ Rodriguez.

(Oh, what might have been - George Hamilton: “The most tense of World Cup finals, it’s only a matter of time, surely, before Argentina score …. wait …. Hoolahan …. McClean …. Stephen Ireland ….. Gooooooooch…. gooooaaaaallllll!!”).

No matter. Any way, so in love is he with Costa Rica, he’d probably have found a granny there and declared for them, so it might never have been at all.

After sharing his Costa Rica love, Gooch was asked for his opinion on the Arjen Robben fella, who, the world agreed, was indeed fouled for that penalty on Sunday, but because it was Arjen Robben he shouldn’t have been given it.

Tony O’Donoghue decided to test Gooch’s scruples. Had he ever claimed a 45 when the ball went over the endline, knowing that it should have been a kick-out for the opposition? Cue that Psycho shower scene music.

Gooch: “Yeah, I have done.”

Richie Sadlier: “That’s cheating …. how often would you have done it?”

By now Gooch wished he’d stayed in Kosta Killarney.

Gooch: “Eh, I don’t think it happened all the time.”

Tony: “It’s like coming to confession.”

Bless me Richie for I have sinned.

Went unpunished

There was a bit of sinning in the France v Nigeria game too, as it proved, but much of it went unpunished, which resulted in Richie and Ronnie disagreeing with Kenny Cunningham. (In other news, water is wet).

Richie reckoned that Nigeria should have had two penalties and that Blaise Matuidi should have been sent off for a decidedly nasty lunge on Ogenyi Onazi.

Kenny: “I disagree.”

Told ya, water is wet.

“If I intended to break your leg…..,” said Ronnie, which left Darragh Maloney reaching for his ‘Call Security’ buzzer, Richie’s face saying ‘go on ya good thing’.

Spare a thought for Aprés Match, how do they outdo this?

Darragh: “The referee seemed to get several decisions wrong.:

Kenny: “Just the one for me.”

Richie: “He got them all wrong – don’t mind him.”

Kenny: [awkward smile]

The game? Not the very greatest, but lively all the same. And you were reminded of how mad football is when Nigeria brought on a second half sub. Darragh: “The referee seemed to get several decisions wrong.:

Kenny: “Just the one for me.”

Richie: “He got them all wrong – don’t mind him.”

Kenny: [awkward smile]

That’s gas, proving if you can’t make it at Kilmarnock, you can make it anywhere.

France, team spirit, mutual love, kisses thrown in the manager’s direction, unity, spirit, brotherliness. How many of you called your telly service provider to report a fault? Woah, that many?

The all-hugging France through, then, Raymond Domenech howling ‘you bunch of merdes’ at his telly back home, but . . . C’est the vie.

And Gary Lineker has almost moved on from the ‘Hand of God’. Almost. Indeed, he was big enough to appear on Diego Maradona’s chat show recently, clips from which we saw yesterday.

Very tense

Gary wanted to know about the rivalry between Argentina and Brazil which, we’ve sensed through the years, is a touch tense.

Diego: “They say we are brothers, brothers, brothers, ….. b******ks.”

Very tense, then.

And. “I always say that we have three on the podium - Alfredo Di Stefano, Diego Maradona and Lionel Messi. I don’t know how many countries can say that they have those kind of players on the podium.”

Look, if you were Diego you’d be entitled to refer to yourself in the third person too.

Diego, of course, had suggested in his support of Luis Suarez that Fifa might as well have dumped him in Guantanemo, such was the severity of the punishment they gave the lad, so he might have been a little crestfallen to hear Luis had finally apologised for Chompgate.

Some of our pundits somewhat cynically suggested that the statement was penned by a PR/Lawyer type person, possibly one employed by Barcelona, and not one straight from Luis’s heart, his confession that he chomped – sublime wording: “The truth is that my colleague Giorgio Chiellini suffered the physical result of a bite in the collision he suffered with me” – leaving a dozen eggs on the face of his supporters, not least Uruguay president Jose Mujica (“Fifa are a bunch of old sons of bitches”).

Ronnie was gutted. Not because Luis said sorry, but because he sensed this was the leaving of Liverpool. “People talk about mercenary footballers – is he becoming the biggest mercenary footballer ever,” he asked. Kenny: “I disagree.”

(No, we made that up. Ish.).

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