Sky’s the limit as growing GAA audience savours brave new world

‘Get your Shillelagh’s out and pull yourself a pint of the black stuff.....it’s our first ever LIVE broadcast’

GAA fixtures may soon be given the Sky Sports treatment. Photograph: Dara Mac Dónaill/The Irish Times.

GAA fixtures may soon be given the Sky Sports treatment. Photograph: Dara Mac Dónaill/The Irish Times.

Sat, Mar 29, 2014, 11:09

Dale, the Sky technician: “Live in one minute, gov.”

Geoff, the Sky presenter: “Paddy, what the fack do you call this place again?”

Pat Spillane: “It’s Pat. And we are in Clones. In Monaghan. The Farney County! Kavanagh country! The home of Nudie Hughes! 1985...they nearly had us....only for Mikey Sheehy that day, we’d have got bata agus bother...”

Geoff, the Sky Presenter: “Paddy, Paddy...just slow down, mate ...is it Clones, then?”

Spillane: “ Clon-nes.”

Geoff, the Sky Presenter: “Clo.Nes. Got that. It doesn’t half rain here, Pat. And it’s a bit bloody dark out there for four o’clock in July. Can we do anything about the lights? Place reminds me of facking Brentford in the FA Cup. In January.”

Dale, the Sky Technician. “Can’t do nuffin. No floodlights here. Should be okay as long as there’s no extra time. But the tea lady told me there is always extra time. Do a lovely cuppa here, Geoff. And currant cake.”

Pat Spillane (Murmuring): “Barm brak.”

Geoff the Sky Presenter: “Barm who, Pat. That a Ty-rone lad?”

Dale, Sky technician: “And we are.... live.”

Geoff the Sky presenter: “Hello and welcome to our viewers in Ireland and Great Britain and well, what an historic occasion here on Sky sports....get your Shillelagh’s out and pull yourself a pint of the black stuff.....it’s our first ever LIVE broadcast of the game that has been the toast of Ireland for centuries. They call it Gaelic football. You might call it WAR. It’s fast. It’s tough. It’s not for the faint hawted. And it’s amateur. That’s right. These boys don’t get paid a PENNY. They do it for the love of the game and the prize on offer is the most famous cup of them all: the Sammy Maguire. Yes, the first ever All-Eire exclusive qualifying match is coming up shortly only on Sky Sports Four...it’s the big one, it’s the one that we’ve all been waiting for.... it’s the boys from Ty-rone against the lads from Lond -umm, Derry and let’s just say: these two have a history. We’ll be right back with a battle royal ....stay tuned to see what happens when Oakleaf Ooomph meets Ty-rone Power.”

Pat Spillane (whispering). “Mary, Mother of Mercy.. what have I done? I’m missing Lyster. I should never have left. Brolly, the cute hoor, tellin’ me I deserved an international audience...”

Geoff the Sky Presenter: “I’m just gonna pop to the karzy...”

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