Our oval-shaped 'bidet' fails to flush out those tattooed English
Indeed there was plenty of “aahing”, but not much “oohing” from the weary, soaked crowd. It got so eerily quiet at one stage the only thing you could hear was a mini-chorus of wet bums squeaking off plastic seats. Either that really did happen or I’m getting obsessed with this bidet analogy. My apologies!
Anyway it was hard to fathom how such a great occasion could be so dull. Then as if to demonstrate Father Deccie’s investment in youth policy he brings on Ronan O’Gara. I had a quick scan of the touchline to see if Mick O’Driscoll was warming up. It’s certainly not O’Gara’s fault, but it beggars belief that no viable alternatives – and there have been a couple over recent seasons – have not been given a crack of the whip before now. The tour to New Zealand last summer was surely an opportunity? It seems especially odd given the relatively concerted effort of late to cover other positions.
As it is, the likely match-day outhalves in Edinburgh will have 127 caps between them; Paddy Jackson, Ian Madigan or Ian Keatley with none and O’Gara with, ahem, 127.
Anyhow, by the time England’s re-enforcements came on (the ones with the tattoos), you feared the worst for Ireland. You might think Courtney Lawes and Manu Tualangi don’t really need tattoos to flag their presence, but they clearly went to some trouble for the effect. Although it won’t do much for Lawes’s “rep” that at 6ft 7ins he got floored by Rob Kearney’s knee. Sweet skills from Kearney, who made it look effortless. There are some things in life you just can’t practise.
No doubt Scotland will be flying high after the dismantling of an Italian team who, having been so impressive against France, reverted to their usual ways last Saturday.
The Scots injected real pace into their back play and scored some well-taken tries, even if they take the prize for the worst kit in Six Nations history, a curious mix between the Halifax Rugby League jersey and the set of Prime Time.
France, in the meantime apparently in disarray, have Vincent Clerc (remember him?) back in their squad, allowing Wesley Fofanna to move into the centre where he’s been so deadly for Clermont this season. What odds on them getting their act together by the time they play Ireland?
Now we might want the ‘bidet’ to be wet for that one.