A bluffer’s guide to . . . Rowing

Catching crabs must be a painful occupational hazard?

Catching a crab in rowing terms is an expression used when a blade or oar gets stuck in the water. A crab may be minor, allowing the rower to quickly recover, or it may be so forceful that the rower is ejected from the boat. Given that races are often won by inches, crabs are a no-no. Now get your mind out of the gutter.

Is there something almost cartoonish about rowing?

No, not unless you fast-forward the footage as was done in the cartoons. However rowing is surprisingly popular in movie terms and features in some unlikely films outside of those with the sport as a theme, like the Beatles’ A Hard Day’s Night, The Thomas Crown Affair (1968 version with Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway) and Dead Poets Society. There are none about the Olympics.

Speaking of which how many events are there at the Olympics and what’s the story with the old weight watchers test?

There are 14 events for men and women, 11 of which fall into the heavyweight category and three, the double sculls and coxless four for men and double sculls for women that are for lightweights.

Are the lightweights just people who dabble in rowing, more as a pastime, like a punt in the park on a nice sunny Sunday, afternoon? I’m not sure they should be allowed in the Olympics.

No, it’s a category determined by weight. Men can weigh no more than 11st 6lbs (the crew average must be no more than 11st) while for women the limit imposed is 9st 4lbs (crew average, 8st 13lbs). It was introduced to the sport by the governing body FISA “to encourage more universality in the sport especially among nations with less statuesque people”.

So elite rowing is a sport for all shapes and sizes?

No. In the men’s heavyweight categories for example, heights range from 6ft 3in to 6ft 9in and the average weight is about 16st 1lb but with a body fat ratio of six to seven per cent. According to one source, rowing over the Olympic racing distance of two kilometres is as physically demanding as playing two basketball matches back to back. No idea what that’s like as a reference point.

I’m a pretty dab hand at the old rowing machine in the gym, put in a few 2Ks myself.

Largely incomparable although one thing you might have in common is the potential for track bites – small cuts that rowers get to the backs of their calves or thighs when coming in contact with the seat tracks.

One thing that intrigues me is how do they steer the boat when there’s no coxswain? They’re all facing the opposite direction from the one they’re going in. Single, double, and quad sculls are usually steered by the scullers pulling harder on one side or the other. In other boats a rudder cable is attached to the toe of one of the crew’s shoes moving the cable left or right. The bowman may steer since he has the best vision when looking over his shoulder. On straighter courses, the strokesman may steer, since he can point the stern of the boat at some landmark at the start of the course.

What’s the story with them all wearing shades?

It looks cool and it hides the huge physical distress from fellow crew and the public.