Nothing to worry about on Transfer Deadline Day

VIEW FROM THE COUCH:Say what you like about Sky Sports News on Transfer Deadline Day (TDD) – and you probably will – but in fairness to them, they do cover all available angles, like hiring a sports psychologist to help you through the ordeal.

“There’ll be players who want to go, there’ll be players who don’t want to go, there’ll be players who want to go but don’t know if they’re going to go,” said Cary Cooper, and with that you couldn’t but feel a whole heap better.

(Unless you’re an Arsenal supporter).

“Fans shouldn’t worry about this,” he added, “honestly, there are much more important things to worry about, forget about it – any way, there’s nothing you can do about it.”

When we were taken back to Julian Waters and Kirsty Gallacher in the studio, they looked a little peeved, having spent the previous hour convincing us that this was the Biggest Day in the History of Planet Earth, and that you most certainly should worry about it. Especially if you happened to be “Arry ‘wheelin’ ’n’ dealin” Redknapp, much of their day spent chatting with him through his car window, as is often the case on TDD.

It was a day of dramatic contrasts too, like the moment Rob Dorsett in Stoke handed over to Gary Cotterill in Milan, the former’s lips solidifed with frostbite, while Gary bemoaned the glare of the Italian sunshine.

Sunstroke

Heroically, while trying to battle the sunstroke, Gary tried to find someone to chat about Mario Balotelli’s transfer to AC, finally tracking down Nigel de Jong in his car.

“We managed to have a word with Nigel on his way in to training,” said Gary, “he didn’t say much but this is what he had to say.”

Gary: “Nigel? Can I have a quick word for Sky Sports? Glad to have Mario here?”

Nigel: “Sorry, I’m on the phone.”

And then he drove away.

Gary beamed, like he was the Walter Cronkite of TDD reporting.

Back in the studio they were inviting comments from viewers, which is always a dangerous thing. Harmless enough, though. Michael Ritchie, for example, had taken the day off work “to sit outside Hibernian’s training ground on the outskirts of Edinburgh”. You couldn’t but love the fella, it was like he was expecting Lionel Messi to appear. And John was painting his kitchen and watching on his iPad. “It’s Transfer Deadline Day, but for an Arsenal fan it’s just Thursday,” he wept.

Over to Newcastle where managing director Derek Llambia was trying to convince his interrogator that no big names would be sold. “All our crown jewels are in place,” he said, which had Julian and Kirsty chucking ‘ooooh, err, missus’ glances our way.

“Who do you want your club to sign, do get in touch with us,” said Dharmesh Sheth. “Messi, Ronaldo and van Persie, who do you flippin think,” read 98.43 per cent of the replies.

The Big One, though: Davide Beckhomme to Paris. “Copycat,” said Jonathan Sexton.

Here comes Davide

“NEWS ALERT: BECKHAM MOVE - NEWS CONFERENCE SHORTLY” read the Sky News rolly banner thing, as they abandoned David Cameron’s trip to Libya for the way bigger story.