Check this out before you hit the start line


ATHLETICS:If your life has been put on hold while you pound the roads for hours in your black tights and battered Marathoners and you even dream of running... you're good to go, writes IAN O'RIORDAN

FOR THOSE still unsure whether or not they are ready to run the Dublin Marathon on Monday here is a final checklist. (Check the boxes and see below for results):

You’ve RUN more miles in the past four months than you’ve driven.

You’ve been going to bed at night exhausted and in pain AND you’ve been waking up in the morning exhausted and in pain.

You’ve lost two toenails, three more are BADLY blackened, and the rest are practically hanging off.

Your bedroom STINKS of Deep Heat, Tiger Balm, arnica gel and Olbas Oil.

You’ve overtaken cyclists and cars while RUNNING home from work in the evening.

You’ve run 10 miles in 60 minutes and put that down in the diary as an EASY day.

You’ve gone for a long, slow run every Sunday morning for the past SIX months.

You’ve stretched your hamstrings ON the draining board while you’re waiting for the pasta to cook.

You’ve discovered the BEST cure for a hangover is a 12-mile run in the Dublin Mountains followed by a very cold shower.

You’ve consumed an entire packet of Roma spaghetti in ONE sitting.

You’ve driven to the Dublin Fruit Market to buy three boxes of bananas AND two boxes of oranges.

You have an old biscuit tin FULL of vitamin supplements, calcium, magnesium, zinc and high-power ginseng capsules.

You can’t sit on a wooden bench for any longer than FIVE minutes.

You’ve downloaded the theme music from Chariots of Fireas the ring tone on your MOBILE phone.

You’ve been BARRED from the all-you-can-eat Italian restaurant in Temple Bar.

 You’ve been chased all the way home from a run by TWO savage dogs.

You’ve had a bad dose of the flu, ended up in bed for five days, and actually ended up putting ON weight.

Your heart rate has fallen so far below 40 beats-per-minute that you’re clinically DEAD.

You’re hopelessly addicted to caffeine, ibuprofen, aspirin, and LSD (as in long, slow distance).

You have a shed FULL of old worn out runners.

You’ve eaten a four-course meal, with an extra helping of desert, and you were STILL hungry.

You’ve been locked out on a Sunday morning because you’re too TIRED after your 22-mile run to turn the key in the door.

You’ve got a drawer full of black tights and you’re a MAN.

You’ve got a drawer full of football shorts and you’re a WOMAN.

You’ve run past old people walking in Marley Park and frightened the LIFE out of them without ever meaning to.

You’ve got the ENTIRE collection of Dublin Marathon Countdown T-shirts.

Your FOUR favourite websites are,, and

You’ve been averaging nine hours sleep every night, plus a 30-minute siesta every afternoon, and you’re STILL knackered.

You’ve watched Marathon Manwith Dustin Hoffman and Laurence Olivier JUST to see the clips of Abebe Bikila.

You’ve purchased FIVE pairs of Nike Zoom Marathoners since the start of the year.

You read Once A Runner, Born to Run, and the Catherina McKiernan biography on your summer holidays.

Your freezer contains two packets of Bird’s Eye peas, NEITHER of which for are for consumption.

You haven’t had prolonged sexual intercourse in THREE weeks.

You’ve been wearing your white and red running shoes into town on a FRIDAY night.

You’ve urinated in MORE public places than your dog.

 You know the EXACT distance from one end of the Phoenix Park to the other.

You’ve been falling asleep every night thinking about running AND walking up every morning thinking about running.

Your family, friends, relatives and work-mates have all accused you of being MAD.

Your family, friends, relatives and work-mates have all accused you of being TOO skinny.

Your family, friends, relatives and work-mates have all praised you for being AMAZING.

You’ve sat through breakfast, lunch AND dinner talking about running and while reading Irish Runnermagazine.

You’ve taped over YOUR wedding video with the London Marathon.

You now understand the meaning of PB, PR, SB, DNS and DNF.

You’ve eaten a full BOX of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes before going to bed.

You’ve been stopped at airport immigration and asked whether you ever have HAD an addiction to dangerous narcotics.

Your SECRET pin for your credit card is “2:59.0”.

You’ve eaten a six-pack of crisps BEFORE dinner.

You’ve worn running shorts UNDER your suit when attending job interviews.

You’ve driven over the route of the Dublin Marathon TWICE so you know exactly what’s in store.

You’ve put a six-pack of beer in the fridge for as soon as you get home on Monday evening.

Results check

0-10: you should forget about it

10-20: you should make it past the wall

20-30: you should break four hours

30-40: you should break your personal best

40-50: you should be up there with the Kenyans