September Road: If a hurling county was ... an old cartoon character
Which county would Spiderman be?
And then there were six.
Only in the world of the GAA could quarter-finals involve just two matches, but that’s the way it is next weekend, when the likely and unlikely lads meet in Semple Stadium for the chance to meet the very unlikely lads in the All-Ireland semi-finals.
So we thought now might be good time to run the rule over the six remaining counties still in the race to win the Liam MacCarthy Cup this September.
Clare: George of the Jungle
There was an original Tarzan version – but it’s so long ago no one can quite remember anything about it. The modern equivalent is half-serious, half-parody. Strong and big-hearted, and there have been sporadic and major victories, but clumsiness has too often foiled the best laid plans.
Do say: “To swing or not to swing? Swing.”
Don’t say: “Watch out for that tree!”
Cork: Charlie Brown
Timeless – it’s just not the same in its absence. Endless determination and even when nothing is going right, refuses to give up and this stubborn streak is occasionally rewarded. Has a long history of causing headaches for those in charge. Thinks everyone is on the other side of the issue, even when they’re clearly not.
Do say: “Please don’t try to kick the football.”
Don’t say: “You’ll be a lovable loser next weekend, good grief!”
The geek next door suddenly seems to have turned into this super-strong, super-agile super-hero. Self-obsession with rejections and inadequacy appears to have been consigned to the past with a new-found ability to cling on for previously unlikely victories.
Do say: “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Don’t say: “The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the Goblin and took the spider out.”
Galway: Donald Duck
Always close to the centre of the stage, though rarely actually centre-stage. Short temper (that bloody ref) is matched by a positive outlook (there’s always next year). Prone to showing off and, while undoubtedly talented, often over-estimates own ability – which leads to often getting in over one’s head.
Do say: “Oh boy am I hungry, oh boy, oh boy, I am so hungry!”
Don’t say: “All talk and no trousers.”
Happiest when the chips are down and all appears lost – then, and usually only then, an appearance is made to save the day. When tails are up seem to be invulnerable to all forms of physical harm. Cunning, brave and often underestimated, neutrals can’t help but root for them.
Do say: “Have no fear, Underdog is here!”
Don’t say: “I fancy ye to win.”
Kilkenny: Mighty Mouse
Has been through many incarnations, but one this is certain – it’s part-ordinary, part-extraordinary. Has demonstrated some form of super-hypnosis that affords the ability to take control of an inanimate object and turn back time.
Do say: “Here I come to save the day!”
Don’t say: “Couldn’t you have thought of something other than a mouse to compare the Cats to?”
Also...Meath v Tyrone: A crisp affair
Oh, it’s a big one next weekend. A clash of the titans.
We thought it was a big deal when Carroll’s Ham (Offaly) took on Brady Family Ham (Kildare) in the Leinster football championship in June. Yes, that’s the only reason that match was a big deal.
And just to qualify for yesterday’s Connacht decider, Bewleys Hotels (London) had to overcome both the Bush Hotel (Leitrim) and the Radisson (sligo)
But next weekend’s clash between Tayto (Meath) v Hunky Dorys (Tyrone)?