Illustration: Alan Clarke

(...) wouldn’t know what to say to her if I did.” I’m like, “Hmmm.” And that’s when she goes, “Ross, what(...)

(...). He’s like, “It was advertised! Look, Ross, you were the one who picked a fight with this crowd. And(...)

Illustration: Alan Clarke

So I’m showing three couples a house in Stoneybosher and I’m driving along the quays, practicing my spiel for them: “A great opportunity for a plumbin(...)

‘You’re very quiet this morning,” the old man goes. “I asked you a second ago if you thought Merkel and Hollande should send troops into Greece as a w(...)

(...) has to go, “Yeah, BGT is Britain’s Got Talent, Ross. The actual acronym is LGBTQ.” I’m like, “Well(...)

(...) open-minded of you at last.” She’s there, “A lot of married couples do it, Ross. Life is, like, so(...)

“Oh, the chap has his critics,” he goes. “Alleging this, that and the other. But I always say to people, ‘Do you know the real reason why he’s such a bloody titan when it comes to business? Look at his hair, for heaven’s sakes!

(...).” I’m like, “I need to talk to you.” He goes, “What is it, Ross? You seem upset about something(...)

Listen up: The Rossmeister speaks, in his new weekly audio column

(...), ‘Ross will have a take on this. Something suitably satiric, no doubt – you see see if he doesn’t!’” I(...)

(...) head out and goes, “Hello, Sorcha. Hello, Ross. I’ll see you now.” Sorcha goes, “We’d prefer to have(...)

(...) held onto a grudge as enthusiastically as a South Dublin girl.Sorcha’s there, “Get dressed, Ross. They(...)