My phone rings while I’m doing my sit-ups – five hundred – in the living room. It’s, like, a number I don’t recognise, but I answer it anyway. A wo(...)

Sorcha goes, “Would you two not go out somewhere?” meaning me and Honor. “Ross, why don’t you take her to Dundrum and buy her something really expensi(...)

Illustration: Alan Clarke

A lot of things have been said – and possibly written, for all I know – about the influence of television on the minds of, like, impressionable chi(...)

There’s no doubting the fact that children can surprise you with the things they come out with – and my daughter is no exception to that rule. (...)

‘Sorcha looks at me, her mouth gaping like a goldfish. I think she’s expecting me to say something in her defence.’ Illustration: Alan Clarke

T he old man is at the door at ridiculous o’clock in the morning with a face like a double bass. He’s there, “I came as soon as I read it,” and I pres(...)

Ronan is sitting in the middle of the living room, holding court, with all his friends – Nudger, Gull and the famous Buckets of Blood – gathered ar(...)

J P’s old man greets us at the front door with a smile and a handshake for me and a hug for Sorcha that ever so slightly crosses the line that sepa(...)

Illustration: Alan Clarke

Honor asks what the fock we’re doing here. There’s literally no Christmas cheer in the girl, even though it’s only however many days to go until th(...)

My wife’s latest scheme to suck all of the joy out of Christmas is called degifting? It’s basically a no-present amnesty you agree with your neares(...)

Illustration: Alan Clarke

The old dear rings in a terrible state. I go, “Alright, Cruella de Vodka? What’s up?”She’s there, “Ross, something terrible has happened!” and her voi(...)