‘Most of these conversations took place while I was in the cor, driving around like the proverbial blue-orsed fly’

Illustration: Alan Clarke

. . . one black, one Chinese and one a little bit Eastern Europeany’

‘She’s kacking it that someone’s going to ask her to account for all the moo that passed through her hands’

‘You can’t unspoil children, just like you can’t unspoil milk. It’s too late if it’s already bad’

‘I’m egging on Vincent Browne to get stuck in, but the old man could shout down an Airbus engine’

Who’d be a father? I sometimes ask myself that. Then I remember that it’s one of the few things that I’m genuinely amazing at

‘This could be the drink talking but it looks to me like I’m very much gainfully employed again'

‘I stare at my wife and I think, please, Sorcha, for once in your life, do the wrong thing’

. . . closing that dress was like trying to stuff a duvet into a microwave’

‘I’m beginning to think that Chad is, like, my Mary Poppins? If that doesn’t sound too weird’

‘For the country’s third-fastest-growing confidential document disposal service, the Anglo tapes have been, like, a godsend’

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