What I learned about sex at my Irish university

UCD 200 scandal may be a hoax but sexual harassment is endemic on Irish campuses

The unfortunate fact is we live in a world in which people assume feminism has reigned victorious and is programmed into modern society.

Gender quotas and Sheryl Sandburgs paint a wondrous picture of a society which is gradually beginning to enact change and has been brought up with astute manners.

We tell our daughters, sisters and friends they can have the world but they just need to remember: never walk home alone; keep your keys between your burning knuckles squeezing tight, always aim for the throat because it’s a pressure point, bag against chest, if he touches you scream fire not rape because people respond quicker, eyes down, keep walking, don’t put your drink down, fists up with thumbs on top.

We argue vehemently that all woman can behave in any way they deem fitting. However, it is probably best not to wear that skirt which grazes against the top of your thighs for boys, even good boys, cannot always handle themselves.

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Basically dress in a way which makes you feel comfortable whilst remembering there is a line that cannot be crossed.

The theory goes that a girl in a bodycon dress of a certain length with a certain chest size has visually articulated her consent. Let’s be honest: some people are just ‘asking for it’.

We treat specific events of harassment as one-offs and aberrations; for the most part these things don’t happen in our polite society.

But I think of the boy who screamed “go f**k yourself” at my friend as she pushed him off another girl. He didn’t mean it, he gets that way when he drinks, explains a female friend of his.

Then there is the boy who stuck his hand up my friend’s skirt as his friends laughed when she attempted to recoil.

Or the the boy who mocked my friend for not going deep enough during oral sex. His nails went deep enough when he grabbed her wrists and said “I f**king love you you bitch” after she left him.

There is also the boy who told my friend proudly that she was on the hit list of the boys in her course and he got to her first, or the boy who proceeded to touch my friend’s genitals whilst she was sleeping.

She was actually awake but “it was ok” as she would state because he didn’t know that.

Descriptions of all these events tend to be riddled with phrases such as: he didn’t mean it, these things happen all the time, it’s normal, maybe I gave him the wrong impression, I led him on, I’m just a tease, it would have been awkward to say no, that’s just what people do or the generationally pleasing “boys will be boys”.

Events of this sort are so frequent they are normalised by victims. We can’t expect men to behave as functional members of society except when it comes to sex because that is a primal urge they cannot control (enter air quotes here) so, as someone once said to me, when my skirt was a bit too short, “we have to help them”. Needless to remark, I changed into a shorter skirt.

I know many men who would identify themselves as feminists and would passionately defend woman’s rights on issues pertaining to pay, childcare or human rights under any guise.

They would recoil at the thought of the actions of groups as depicted in the UCD two hundred scandal when it was alleged earlier this year that a group of students was sharing images of sexual partners without consent.

Yet when they relay stories of sexual encounters their dialogue more resembles the purchasing, consuming and discarding of a packet of supermarket meat than engaging on an intimate level with another human being.

Concern with the national and international problems which effect the vast population of woman is one thing.

However, at a local level it is every girl buying two for one shots on a Saturday night for herself.

This double standard was cemented for me when I was privy to a conversation amongst men regarding whether they would go out with a girl they have had sex with after the first meeting.

The answer was a chuckle and a resounding ‘No’. The words were not said but translated as: ‘you don’t date a slut’.

The thought of the kind of girls they bring home to their mother were still firmly rooted in the back of their minds.

The girl you sleep with and the one you build a relationship with for the most part differ, yet the end goal for them during that first meeting is generally sex. I feel there is a twisted paradox in there somewhere.

The different levels of promiscuity acceptable for woman and men are still firmly embedded and not just amongst the elder members of the community. The ideology of boys will by boys and you won’t buy the cow if you can get the milk for free are alive and well in the younger generation.

Men are, to all concerned, sowing their wild oats yet women are sluts, slags, whores, easy or desperate. The concept that perhaps they just enjoy sex is merely a ridiculous notion perpetuated by sexually liberal feminists.

The UCD two hundred scandal smoke didn’t lead to a fire. But it is a probable scenario and more significantly is almost certainly occurring on a lower scale across college campuses, work spaces, homes and streets across the country.

We do not want to acknowledge the fact that these are common practices. If we don’t see the problem or the university can show us an investigation report then its not a prominent issue and besides a few can take the hit to preserve the many appears to be the dominant reasoning.

We victim blame instead of tackling the issues at hand because it is quicker and tends not to lead to a court appearance and a special bulletin on the Six One news.

All institutions in my opinion need to take the current state of sexual harassment amongst young people, even at the level of catcalling, more seriously.

We need to be prepared for tackling such issues as it is apparent change is greatly needed and it should not take an incident like the one alleged at UCD to ignite such a change.

Anna Joyce is the outgoing Gender Equality Co-Ordinator with UCD student union