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I’M READING Jonathan Safran Foer and he’s saying that eating a dog is the equivalent of eating a pig. I look at Lola. She narrows her eyes.

“Just try me,” she says, or would say, if I got her one of those talking collars like in the movies. Rest assured, I’m not going to try her, but I get his point. Which is not, it turns out, that we should be eating them all – pigs, cows, dogs, cats, aging aunties, etc. Rather, that the sentiments preventing me from eating Lola should equally prevent me from eating, er, Porkie.