The Irish Times - Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Better to become a friend than be labelled a stalker

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CYBER SORTER: Social-media agony aunt Amanda Brown on stalking vs friending, and the rules of out-of-office

Dear Cybersorter

If I view the Facebook profile of someone who is not my friend, is there any way they can find out? If I view it regularly, will Facebook notify the person to say I am stalking them? I am not stalking anyone, but I used to look at someone’s profile from time to time because their updates were amusing. Now they have blocked me. Is it possible they know I was looking at their page?

Dear MR

Facebook users cannot find out whether or how many times a person has viewed their profile. There are applications that make similar claims but they are unlikely to yield this information, either.

It is quite possible that you have not been blocked and that the person whose profile you were viewing simply amended their privacy settings to Friends Only.

If you enjoyed their updates, why not attempt to friend them? If you have, and they have ignored your request or actually blocked you, that is all you need to know – you must leave this person alone. Complaining about no longer being able to view their profile is akin to complaining that you can no longer see in the window of the girl next door because she has drawn the curtains.

It is always healthier, online and off, to declare your friendship with someone and accept their response, rather than watch them from afar without their knowledge, no matter how innocently.

Dear Cybersorter

I am agonising over my out-of-office email reply during holidays. I want people to know not to expect a reply, while simultaneously appearing professional.

Is it okay to say (as I have seen), “if your message is important, please send again after Xth July”? Is that rude or confident? I think part of the problem is that in certain jobs you don’t really like to admit you are ever on holidays.

Dear AM

It’s a bit rude, not to mention lazy, to ask people to re-send an email. How much effort does it take to check your emails upon your return? While it is true no one likes to admit they’re on holidays, it’s better for everyone if you set up an email that lets people know when you are away. Something like “I am away until XX. If your query is urgent, please contact so-and-so” will work. Include email and phone numbers, once you have checked it’s okay to bounce urgent messages.

Most servers, including Gmail, Outlook, Yahoo and Hotmail, allow you to create filters. Before you go away, create a filter so that anything of importance carrying a specific word, or from a specific email address, will go into your “important” folder for immediate inspection when you get back.

Don’t be tempted not to switch on such a message and instead to use your mobile device to answer work emails while abroad or taking a break. That road leads to nothing but insanity, heart attack and, quite possibly, divorce – not to mention inconceivably high roaming charges.

Cyber Sorter's summer picks

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