SINCE THE GIRLS started Montessori I’m really starting to see what people mean about September being a bit like January in terms of taking stock so I’ve taken the nip in the air as a cue to reinvent myself. Again.
First I decided to be a more cautious me. He’d never say as much because he’s too kind but I know my neighbour Barry despairs of me sometimes. Over the years he’s told me about a car door left open, about windows in the house left open and at least once he’s rung to tell me I left the front door open all day. With the key still in the lock.
Also now that the girls are in Montessori school this September I’ve decided we all need to be more independent and less lazy. For them this means pouring their own milk on their cereal and fetching me breakfast in bed every other day.
For my part I’ve pledged to stop wasting my life away watching Fair City. (Unfortunately I seem unable to stop watching Fair City until a character called Crazy Lucy gets her comeuppance so RTÉ if you’re reading: You’ve dragged this ridiculous storyline out for a gazillion years, sort it out immediately, I don’t pay a licence fee to be strung along in this manner, Yours, Disgruntled of North Strand.) For their father it basically means not leaving his runners on the sideboard. You’d think this was simple. I may as well be asking him to fix the Middle East.
I’ve accepted that being a parent means repeating the same things over and over again until the words lose all their meaning but being a partner, a word which (coincidentally?) has all the same letters as parent and an extra ‘r’ for rage, also means a certain amount of repetition.
Essentially, I’ve reinvented myself as a harridan: Shoes off the sideboard! Get that potato man off the stairs! Lego lives in the box not on the bathroom floor! The shoe thing is the most annoying one though. There’s a place for shoes and that place is in the cheapo plastic black Ikea shoebox yoke I bought for exactly that purpose. It’s hardly rocket science. I might get a sign, like the one on trains except instead of ‘seats are not for feet’ it will say ‘sideboards are not for shoes’ and that should be the end of it. But it won’t be so this September I also plan to be more accepting of what I cannot change. As if.
I’ve noticed that since starting Montessori the girls are being reinvented themselves. When they beat each other up now they are much more polite. It’s all – whack! – you’re very welcome – bosh! – good day to you, madam. Thank you and – bam! – goodbye. So that’s a positive.
And I’m thinking of doing a DIY course. My over qualified handyman/civil engineer John is getting married soon and I’m worried his soon-to-be-wife is not going to take too kindly to me calling him up every time I want a picture hung. It’s time I took control. There are a few jobs that need seeing to, a hinge loose here, a door handle hanging precariously off the playroom door there. Can I fix it? Yes I can.