Mattie confuses cute blondes . . . and 'Playboy' of western world
DÁIL SKETCH:Rosanna Kenny on the cover of ‘Playboy’ and Enda Davison on ‘Time’? The mind boggles
MATTIE McGRATH was so utterly scandalised he brought his x-rated complaint to the floor of the Dáil. We were a bit taken aback ourselves.
“But the most sickening thing, I think Minister, is today and last week, to see our Taoiseach on the front page of Playboy magazine.” As Mattie fulminated, jaws dropped all over Leinster House.
“I wish him well – I voted for him as Taoiseach. But I expected a lot different from him.”
Well, you would, wouldn’t you?
The acting chairman intervened. “For the record, he was on the cover of Time magazine,” quivered Paudie Coffey, looking green around the gills.
“Sorry” snapped Mattie. “What magazine did I say? Oooh sorry. Sorry, sorry. I’ll correct that. I meant to say [looking] like a playboy on Time magazine . . .”
The mind boggles. A playboy? Enda? That’s almost as bad as the other scenario.
Mattie sounded miffed because his wide-ranging oratorical roll on the Fiscal Responsibility Bill had been interrupted.
But he managed to get going again. “The people suffering from austerity and the kites being flown now are traumatised . . .”
No offence to topless Enda, but who wouldn’t be traumatised? The damage was done. The image planted. We couldn’t eat a thing for the rest of the day.
Mary Mitchell O’Connor was next to speak. This was very brave of the deputy for Dún Laoghaire, considering that great waves of nausea were sweeping across Leinster House at that very moment.
“I listened very carefully to Deputy Mattie McGrath. And Deputy, I just remind you that maybe you should be getting your economic advice from Time magazine rather than Playboy magazine,” croaked Mary queasily.
Well. Mattie was extremely affronted. What was she implying? He had made a genuine mistake.
Mitchell O’Connor, with a smile, gave him the benefit of the doubt. “It may have been a slip of the tongue . . .”
Clearly, what happened was that Mattie mixed up his blondes: Rosanna Kenny on the cover of Playboy, Enda Davison on the cover of Time. It’s an easy mistake to make. But we’re still not the better of it.
We had to lie down and take a Chillax pill, as the young people might say. Although, at their age, they shouldn’t be on the laxatives.
It’s quaint old place, Leinster House. Fine Gael backbencher Simon Harris, who, at twelve-and-three quarters, is the youngest TD in the Dáil, urged his colleagues to “chillax” at the previous night’s stormy meeting of the Public Accounts Committee. Honest to God. Not since Paul Gogarty stood up in the chamber and told Emmet Stagg to eff off has the use of language caused such a stir.