Enda to impress Euro pals with orgy tales

Fine Gael will be bonding with 2,000 of their brother and sister EPPs in Dublin today

“Oh, yes” Enda will tell them. “The only Bill I passed this week was Bill Clinton!” Photograph: Clodagh Kilcoyne

“Oh, yes” Enda will tell them. “The only Bill I passed this week was Bill Clinton!” Photograph: Clodagh Kilcoyne

Thu, Mar 6, 2014, 01:00

How’s this for showing off in front of your political pals?

Fine Gael is all of a dither this week as fellow members of the European People’s Party arrive in Dublin for a major conference. It’s the biggest political grouping in the European Parliament and FG likes to brag about its membership.

(Far better connected in Europe than Fianna Fáil, they like to say.)

They will be bonding with 2,000 of their brother and sister EPPers in Dublin’s Convention Centre, looking after some heavy-duty presidents and prime ministers along with a pomposity of ministers and parliamentarians.

Enda, of course, will want to put on a good show.

There’s bound to be a lot of shop talk over the next two days. The visiting politicians will probably be curious as to how their hosts are faring on the home front.

“So, Mr Edna, what did you do in your parliament this week? Was it difficult?”

And the Taoiseach will tell them about the orgy he organised in the chamber for the past three days when they should have been doing proper business – initiating and discussing Bills and the like.

His guests will be most impressed.

“Oh, yes” Enda will tell them. “The only Bill I passed this week was Bill Clinton! ”

Of course, lest some of the continentals are shocked by this, the Fine Gael leader will be quick to explain it was merely an orgy of backslapping, as opposed to anything to do with sex.

That’ll go down well with his fellow politicians, who love nothing more than to get down and dirty with a few invigorating sessions of self-praise.


Self-congratulation
Enda will then further amaze his centre-right colleagues with the news the Labour Party, his socialist partners in Coalition, threw themselves heart and soul into this orgy of self-congratulation.

There won’t be any mention of Siptu or whistleblowers or the possible bugging of Frank Flannery by people from the Pac.

No. Instead, the Taoiseach will go on to say that he and his second in command (who is a socialist, but a tame one) began the week nicely with a carefully staged PR stunt for the benefit of the media.

“And did the media not object, Mr Edna?”

And he will explain that they didn’t object, omitting to mention the journalists had little interest in his trumpet-blowing duet with Eamon Gilmore and the event fizzled out after a few questions.

After which everyone hightailed it next door to Leinster House to commence the orgy in the chamber.

The Opposition was livid, but there was nothing they could do about it.