Captain Kenny and crew exit pylon quadrant

“U-turn now, Rabbitte and set engines to warp speed. I’ll take the bridge,” says captain

Pylons – the final frontier and a  dangerous space for Captain Kenny of the Enterprise economy

Pylons – the final frontier and a dangerous space for Captain Kenny of the Enterprise economy

Thu, Jan 30, 2014, 01:00

It was like an episode of Star Trek yesterday, with a touch of The Wombles and some American folk music thrown in for good measure.

Pylons – the final frontier.

A dangerous space for Captain Kenny of the Enterprise economy, and him hoping to “address the challenge of the future” and boldly go where no taoiseach has gone before.

His crew is travelling deep into the local election quadrant. But there are pylons on the horizon and they are shipping severe turbulence.

Scotty Rabbitte: “I cannae hold her, Captain. We’re being bombarded with submissions. 30,000 of them. The North-South interconnector is under pressure!”

Capt Kenny: “U-turn now, Rabbitte and set engines to warp speed. I’ll take the bridge.”

The Taoiseach assumes command and the familiar sound of The Wombles theme fills the air again.

Underground, overground, waffling free . . .

The dreaded U-turn. Maybe nobody will notice.

“Plot a course for a
review panel. Launch the compensation funds. We’ll keep ’em talking,” says Enda, decisively.

Where’s Spock?
But wait. Where’s Spock?

Nowhere to be seen, for Minister Shatter is sulking on one of the lower decks after an unhappy run-in with the dreaded forces of the PAC.

“Highly illogical” is what he was last heard to say, as Shane Ross, his South Dublin constituency rival, forced him to retreat on the penalty points controversy.

It’s all go on the Enterprise as it continues its mission to discover the best small country in the world in which to do business.

“Jettison deputy Hayes!” commanded Capt Kenny earlier in the day. “Fire him into deepest space. He’s going to Europe.” Brian Hayes, promising leadership candidate and astute national politician, dutifully steps out on to the plinth and prepares to depart for Brussels.

Yes, Enda may have been grappling in the Dáil with the opponents of overground high-voltage electricity lines and the proponents of underground networks, but at least he’s dealt with the Hayes problem.

That boy led a mutiny against him. He would never prosper under Kenny. He had to go, he knew it, and he went graciously before lunch.

Back in the chamber, Dara Calleary and Gerry Adams stormed the bridge, sensing Kenny’s engines were in reverse thrust. They weren’t fooled by the talk.

Scotty Rabbitte performed “a U-turn turn that would get a full 10 marks on Strictly Come Dancing”, scoffed Calleary.

This new change of course for a review panel on the pylons was a Government ruse to exploit the space-time continuum. “An excuse to get by May 23rd and get your party through the local election process.”

What about the health implications of overground pylons? Even his own man, Dr Bones Reilly, had expressed concerns about the dangers posed by electromagnetic fields. Capt Kenny responded with reference to Grid Link and Grid West, the North- South interconnector and underground-overground options.

Gerry Adams also headed into pylon territory. Sinn Féin’s position has always been that EirGrid should only proceed with the proposed project on the basis that the lines will be “undergrounded”.

Irish Times Politics