Miriam Lord’s Year

Enda gives nation a high-five and a wink

 Taoiseach Enda Kenny: may be replaced by a hologram for future state-of-the-nation addresses.   Photograph: Eric Luke

Taoiseach Enda Kenny: may be replaced by a hologram for future state-of-the-nation addresses. Photograph: Eric Luke

Sat, Dec 28, 2013, 01:01

The Government will be more than happy with its end-of-year rating in the opinion polls, although Fine Gael has far more to smile about than Labour.

The Coalition’s plan to
be in Government up to 2016 and beyond appears to be well on course.

To this end, we hear from sources in Government Buildings that the Taoiseach is working on a brilliant new strategy to get them there.

Pathways Towards a Blueprint and Vision for Recovery Roadmap 2014 is almost complete.

This 79-page document sets out the Government’s key performance indicators for the next phase, unspooling a suite of strategic action hotspots involving vision wranglers and pillar
stakeholders.

A high-powered team of advisers has been working for months on it.

“We are very happy with the outcome. It’s been a difficult journey but a rewarding one” said a top handler.

We understand that as well as being able to point at invisible things while walking past a camera and hold his arm out in a decisive manner when encountering world leaders, Enda has now perfected a wink (modelled on weatherman Gerald Fleming) along with an innovative JFK style (jaunty yet statesmanlike) wave.

The high-fiving stays put but the Taoiseach is to be replaced by a hologram for future state-of-the nation addresses.

This should see the
Government through for another few years.

Back Gerry Adams to be the leader of the flying squad

The Tánaiste got into trouble with his own troops for being out of the country far too often when Labour needed his guiding hand on the party helm.

But then, Eamon Gilmore is Minister for Foreign Affairs – a position that requires a fair amount of travelling abroad. He is also Minister for Trade, although the Taoiseach appeared to be the one milking that particular job with his high-profile forays to foreign climes.

There was also a lot of high-flying for Eamon when Ireland hosted the EU presidency in the the first half of the year – an event of such monumental national importance that most people have already forgotten about it.

Will domestic requirements (not to mention that reshuffle) make Eamon stay at home more in 2014?
Who will notch up the most airmiles - Enda, Eamon or Gerry Adams?

Our money is on the leader of Sinn Féin, who seems to spend as much time these days in the US branch office as he does in Ireland.

But to be fair to the man who denies he was ever in the IRA, perhaps he is away trying to find himself.

It was mortifying for him at the start of the year when news came out of his trip to a private clinic in Manhattan for a medical procedure. A millionaire benefactor picked up the tab. Adams is lucky in that regard.

Like his party colleagues in the Dáil, Gerry draws his full pay and expenses from the taxpayer but chooses to donate a large portion of it
to their favourite charity – Sinn Féin.

Noonan’s ‘bits and bobs’ prove lethal

Michael Noonan delivered his budget statement in October. It was preceded by his budget understatement at the FG annual conference, where he reassured the troops that his budget was almost complete, bar a few “bits and bobs”.

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