Office Christmas party survival guide

Don’t moan or criticise other colleagues. You may think you are being discreet but you could well be yelling it for all and sundry to hear as the drink takes hold. Do speak to people you wouldn’t normally speak to as they may be shy in social situations and may need a push in the right direction.

It’s also a chance to get to know people as people and not just “that man on the 5th floor with the loud ties”. If you’re not the mingling type, find someone who isn’t either and be miserable together.

The boss

This is not the time to ask your boss for a promotion or air any grievances. Things not to say to your boss on this night include – “I love you” “I hate you”, “I want to be you” “I could do your job blindfolded.” If you feel yourself slurring “Thish hash to be shaid…..” It doesn’t help – so stop and walk away. If you have to talk to them, thank them for the party and move swiftly on.

Dancing

The office party is, for many, a time to unleash their inner John Travolta or at worst David Brent. Older members of staff should take the lead by hitting the dancefloor first. You’ve been here for 27 years so you have nothing to lose.

Take it as an opportunity to introduce the young whippersnappers to stalwarts like the Walls of Limerick, the Siege of Ennis or even some Rock the Boat. Don’t overdo it though, as did a 46-year-old man who died last week from over exerting himself to Gangnam Style at his office party.

Office romance

After a few hours and a few drinks Maureen from payroll may look like a goddess. Before you make a drunken lunge at any colleague ask yourself, “Is this a good idea?” The answer is “probably not” and you may face being shot down in front of all your co workers.

Don’t let bonhomie turn into sleaze - January is hard enough without having a sexual harassment case on your hands, so step away from the mistletoe. If you’re so overcome with ardour that you feel like the office party is your last chance to declare your love/lust, at least make sure they don’t have a wife/husband/partner etc.

The next day

So, you didn’t heed any of the advice and you’re now crying in the shower awaiting the thud of the P45 as it lands in your postbox. The worst thing you can do is not turn up to work the next day or the following Monday. It only gives people a chance to gossip behind your back and speculate wildly on your antics.

You can always hope people were too drunk themselves to even notice or claim someone spiked your seventh drink. However, honesty is the best policy. Simply state you had too much to drink, apologise and move on.