April Fool’s Day: The best of the day’s ‘fake news’

The Luas through Trinity, Trump’s 5-star Liberty Hall and a campaign against seagulls

 

‘Fake news’ is shunned by mainstream media organisations for 364 days of the year but one day a year it graces the websites and pages of news media, April 1st.

Here is a round up of the best of them.

The Guardian: By Georgio! Osborne takes new job as fashion designer:

George Osborne has reignited the row over his multiple business commitments after it emerged the former chancellor is planning to launch his own clothing line.

In a letter to the House of Commons authorities, seen by the Guardian, Osborne told the advisory committee on business appointments that his new fashion firm would design “high-quality, hi-visibility industrial garments aimed at the multitasking CEO”.

The article features a photograph of the former British chancellor in high-visibility vest and wellies on a catwalk.

The Irish Independent:Open university: Luas takes detour through Trinity

A major error in the laying of the new Luas line through parts of Dublin city centre means the track is too wide.

The new joined-up track running around College Green was built based on designs for trams in 1916, rather than the 2016 model.

However, the new cross-city line will still open on time this summer, as it will now run through the middle of Trinity College campus.

The Trinity Luas stop will be based at the iconic belltower on the Campanile.

The development will make the Trinity courtyard the focal point for all public transport in Dublin city centre.

The article written by Edmund Burke features a mock-up of the Luas going by the famous belltower with a map of the Luas.

The JournalNew feature on TheJournal.ie will help combat scourge of seagulls

THEJOURNAL.IE IS JOINING the fight against nuisance seagulls.

New figures from the Department of Environment show that seagulls:

PECK four ankles a day in Irish parks, Steal chips from helpless CHILDREN, Cause HAVOC by swooping on unsuspecting tourists, Are routinely seen FORAGING in bins.

In a pioneering partnership with the Fund For Urban Protection Of Flighted and Feathered (FFUPOFF) and the Department of the Environment, this website will on Monday launch a new function called SeeMyGull.

The innovative technology will allow readers to plan their routes around Irish cities and towns so that they can avoid aggressive seagulls, using patented technology and Google’s mapping API.

The Telegraph: Polar bears spotted in Scotland as animals flee melting Arctic ice cap

Anybody venturing to Scotland normally has only the midges to avoid. Now there’s an altogether more terrifying, not so wee beastie lurking in the woods.

For scientists with the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) have discovered a polar bear living on an island in the Outer Hebrides.

The images and video footage were captured by a dog walker on North Uist. Its authenticity has been verified by the WWF.

The Irish Times: Trump Dublin: US president buys Liberty Hall to build 5-star hotel

Dublin is set to get its very own Trump Tower after the sale of Liberty Hall in the capital to a company connected to the controversial US president.

The 16-storey building, owned by the State’s largest trade union Siptu, has been a feature of the Dublin skyline since its completion in 1965 but plans are now under way to convert it into a five-star city centre hotel bearing the name of the American commander in chief.

In plans seen by The Irish Times, Trump International Holdings wants to renovate the existing structure and build a wider, taller skyscraper that will also feature shops, apartments, office space, underground parking, an open-air putting green on the top floor, a plaza on Eden Quay, and a canopy and signage over the main entrance.

A computer-generated image of the new Liberty Hall planned by a business associated with US President Donald Trump
A computer-generated image of the new Liberty Hall planned by a business associated with US President Donald Trump

The Irish Times: Iconic Bull Bridge to be demolished for new golf course One of Dublin’s most famous bridges is to be replaced with a view to building a third golf course on Bull Island on the northside of the city. Plans are in train to dismantle the Bull Bridge, the narrow wooden construction which leads out to the popular Dollymount Strand and Royal Dublin golf course. With increased traffic expected to and from the expanded golf complex – and with that traffic anticipated to be predominantly from the big-car end of the market – the existing bridge is to be deemed insufficient for the needs of golfers.

The Bull Bridge has linked the coast road at Dollymount with Bull Island since 1907. Photograph: Dara Mac Donaill
The Bull Bridge has linked the coast road at Dollymount with Bull Island since 1907. Photograph: Dara Mac Donaill

PR Companies have also looked to take advantage of the ultimate day of spin. Devices to allow pets to talk to computers, underwater gambling and fast food flavoured toothpaste were just some of the wheezes brands tried to flog as the most foolish day of the year dawned.

Paddy Power

Paddy Power and jockey Ruby Walsh announced plans to sponsor sea horse racing an promised “all the thrills of normal horse racing, but underwater”.

The bookies said they would broadcast events featuring some of the planet’s fastest swimmers from tanks all over the world. “It’s one of those ideas that’ll sink or swim,” spokesman Paddy Power said. “But we are delighted to take the plunge. The little blighters are tough to train and their tiny saddles keeping falling off but I reckon we’ve backed a winner.”

Amazon

Amazon introducing a companion to Alexa dubbed Petlexa which will “allow dogs, cats, and other animals to communicate with Alexa just like you do. The Petlexa feature gives pets the freedom to place orders from Amazon, and to activate smart home enabled toys”.

Domino’s hot box

From a smart box to a hot box. Domino’s pleased pizza lovers with the promise of a new ‘door-livery’ innovation - a supersized letterbox that keeps orders hot and fresh for up to 12 hours. This door furniture - were it real - would the traditional letterbox and would allow pizza to be delivered to people whether they were in or out. Not only that but it also includes a real-life junk mail filter, a pet repellent and a motion sensor that alerts your smartphone when pizza has arrived.

Asos

Asos announced an entirely different delivery service which would see models deliver your orders while Burger King rolled out Whopper toothpaste. “The iconic burger... is so generous and tasty, that its fans would do anything to make its unique flame grilled beef taste last longer. To keep the tasty flavours lasting longer, Burger King has created ... the first toothpaste with active Whopper extracts.”

Yum.

Lillie’s Bordello

Lillie’s Bordello just of Dublin’s Grafton Street revealed plans to install urinals in the women’s toilets. A release expressed the hope that the Lady P would drastically reduce the queues in the ladies’ toilets, as well as promote gender equality in the club. “It’s something we’ve been thinking about for a long time,” a spokesperson said. “We’ve had a lot of feedback from our customers and feel that this is a really positive solution that will make everything run a lot more smoothly for everyone.”

The press release even included a pic which of the urinal in use but it’s probably best left to the imagination.

Groupon

And can you imagine a gin sauna? Groupon can. Gin is in this season and the deals site was promising the gullible the Gin Sauna which replaces the water, which generates regular steam with a high quality gin.

BusinessWaste.co.uk

The Yorkshire-based refuse and recycling company BusinessWaste.co.uk came up with an out of the world notion when it announced that it had reached a deal to to handle the waste for entrepreneur Elon Musk’s manned mission to Mars.

Celebrity Cruises

Celebrity Cruises announced that one of its exploration missions - because cruise companies have such thing, you know -captained by a Yilo Apradfolos (geddit) discovered a previously unknown island 720 miles south west of Bermuda. “Early reports indicate that this previously unchartered and uninhabited island is one of the Caribbean’s last remaining gems, complete with sandy beaches and idyllic bays,” the company said.

The Royal Albert Hall

The Royal Albert Hall announced Tweets Live. “The evening will kick off with an emotional reading of the first ever Tweet, composed by Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey and performed by actor Toby Jones. A whole host of other famous faces are already lined up to perform, including Richard Gere, Richard Herring and Richard Osman, while the Hall is particularly happy to welcome back Sir Michael Caine, who will be joined by a string quartet to perform his 2012 classic: “Just read another story about me being locked in attick (sic). Completely false.”

Mash Direct

And finally, Mash Direct have been pushing a potato face mask “After conducting our own research, we discovered that the heritage varieties of vegetables we grow on our farm contain copious amounts of spudifrophene,” a spokeswoman said. “It seemed only fitting that we should branch out into the beauty sector. To show the world that our award-winning Mashed Potato is just as good for your face as it is for your appetite.’’