‘I’m like King Midas in reverse’ - 20 Tony Soprano quotes

The conflicted mob boss had a mean way with words. Here is a sample of some of his more memorable phrases

 James Gandolfini portraying  Tony Soprano in a scene from the Sopranos. Photograph: Reuters

James Gandolfini portraying Tony Soprano in a scene from the Sopranos. Photograph: Reuters

Thu, Jun 20, 2013, 12:28

1. “There’s an old Italian saying: you f*** up once, you lose two teeth”.

2. “If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.”

3. “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

4. “I wipe my ass with your feelings.”

5. “I’m like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to s**t.”

6. “Oh, poor baby. What do you want, a Whitman’s Sampler?”

7. When asked what line of work he is in: “Waste management consultant. My father was in it. My uncle was in it. Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself.”

8. “What use is an unloaded gun?”

9. “You got any idea what my life would be worth if certain people found out I checked into a laughing academy?"

10. Referring to his mother’s involvement in a plot to kill him: “What kind of person can I be, where his own mother wants him dead?”

11. Speaking to his psychiatrist, after he threatens to smash her face during a therapy session: “Is this a woman thing? You ask me how I’m feeling. I tell you how I’m feeling, and now you’re going to torture me with it.”

12. “Nowadays, everybody’s gotta go to shrinks and counsellors, and go on Sally Jessy Raphael and talk about their problems. What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type.”

13. “We’re soldiers. Soldiers don’t go to hell. It’s war. Soldiers kill other soldiers. We’re in a situation where everyone involved knows the stakes and if you are going to accept those stakes, you’ve got to do certain things. It’s business.”

14. “Log off. That cookies s*** makes me nervous.”

15. “When you’re married, you’ll understand the importance of fresh produce.”

16. “It wasn’t like it was friggin’ Cobain. It was just a little suicidal gesture, that’s all.”

17. “A wrong decision is better than indecision.”

18. “This isn’t painful. Getting shot is painful. Getting stabbed in the ribs is painful. This ... isn’t painful. It’s empty. Dead.”

19. “All due respect, you got no f***ing idea what it’s like to be Number One. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other f***ing thing. It’s too much to deal with almost. And in the end you’re completely alone with it all.”

20. When speaking to his wife, Carmela: “You’re only religious when it suits you.”