“Make it a good letter,” the old man goes. “One of your specials. Lots of forthwiths and hereafters and whatnots. That should wipe(...)

Illustration: Alan Clarke

'He’s actually more than that – although I probably will ask him for a couple of grand while I have him.'

... ‘Yeah, but a whole town that smells like Cavistons? Er, no thanks!’

. . . for something other than sleeping with her friends'

“I’d be very surprised if she looked well, Babes. I always thought the girl was bet-down. I hope that doesn’t come across as sexis(...)

‘Most of these conversations took place while I was in the cor, driving around like the proverbial blue-orsed fly’

Illustration: Alan Clarke

. . . one black, one Chinese and one a little bit Eastern Europeany’

‘She’s kacking it that someone’s going to ask her to account for all the moo that passed through her hands’

‘You can’t unspoil children, just like you can’t unspoil milk. It’s too late if it’s already bad’

‘I’m egging on Vincent Browne to get stuck in, but the old man could shout down an Airbus engine’

Who’d be a father? I sometimes ask myself that. Then I remember that it’s one of the few things that I’m genuinely amazing at

‘This could be the drink talking but it looks to me like I’m very much gainfully employed again'

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