Saying men use paternity leave to play golf is sexist

I have been trying not to over-think it, or to over-react, but it has been preying on my mind ever since. I told myself that it was probably just a throw-away comment and I would do well just to get over myself and move on. You’ve little to be worrying about Paddy Logue, I say in an inaudible mumble. Then again, I say assertively, many insults are throw-away and casually dropped into conversations by-the-by, to either consciously or subconsciously and passive-aggressively put down those who are listening.

And if this was indeed the intention of “a Government source” who said many men were using paternity leave to play golf, it had its desired effect on me. A source close to me said I am not a fan of golf, but as a father of three, I felt insulted on behalf of my fellow male parents. I was raging when I read it, to be honest.

The comment was made at a meeting of the Cabinet sub-committee on social policy, chaired by Taoiseach Leo Varadkar and attended by 10 Cabinet Ministers, who were considering the childcare issue at a meeting in late March. My colleague Sarah Bardon reported that Ministers were informed at the meeting that there is a 62 per cent take-up rate of paternity leave, but were informed some parents were using it "to go play golf" rather than what it was provided for.

“In order for it to assist how the Government addresses the gender pay gap, men need to take their paternity leave. Sixty-two per cent is not a critical mass, it needs to be much higher,” Deep Throat explained. “International experience shows men have to be made take the paternity leave. Men are taking it here but using it to go play golf.”

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Let’s break that down. So basically a) not enough men are taking available paternity leave because they couldn’t be bothered or would rather be at work for some reason and b) some of the 62 per cent who are taking it are using the time to enjoy themselves.

Financial option

The 62 per cent uptake may indeed seem low when you consider that we are talking about two weeks off work. But dig a bit deeper and you'll find that for many men and indeed couples – as these decisions are usually taken by both parents who look at the overall finances of the family – taking the leave is not an option financially. It's not that the man, like some troglodyte vodka-swilling idiot from Mad Men, wants to stay away from his newborn. Instead, what is more likely is that many men – and couples – cannot afford to have a smaller wage packet at the end of a particular month. The €235 per week benefit is not always topped up by employers who won't or can't afford to do so. This means many men probably cannot afford to avail of this very useful and important State benefit.

Golf-gate

Now to golf-gate. This is a deeply odd thing to say for a few reasons. Firstly, in order to increase the uptake of the leave entitlement, insulting those you are trying to encourage seems to me, in any case, to be a deeply flawed strategy. It’s like going up to somebody on the street and saying “Hey, would you like this free chocolate bar, you fat b*****d,” and then wonder why you get a negative response. Secondly, it is of course a 100 per cent sexist statement. Regardless of how much golf men play during their paternity leave, it’s a sexist statement.

The reality of paternity leave is a far cry from fat cigars and dirty jokes on the back nine

Can you imagine the outrage and protest marches if a representative of the Government suggested that many women were using their maternity leave for shopping trips to Dundrum or coffee with the girls? Believe me, heads would roll, apologies would be given, there would be lashings of humble pie consumed. But the inference that men care more about their own enjoyment than their own children passes without so much as an oops or an I didn't mean that, I meant this. Double standards, I tell you.

Prying and judgmental

But perhaps the thing that got to me most of all about the comment was the judgmental, prying nature of it. Let’s be clear mister or missus Government source, what I do during my paternity leave or she does on her maternity leave is none of your goddamn business. As long as it isn’t illegal, mind your own. Even if it’s illegal, it’s none of your business, it’s for the Garda to get involved.

And for the record: Golf. My. Arse. The reality of paternity leave is a far cry from fat cigars and dirty jokes on the back nine, rather it is a time where you can be 100 per cent devoted to your child for a full two weeks. It’s the wonder of just watching them sleep, have them urinate in your face, produce the most disgusting, toxic messes all day and all night, seeing them recognise your voice, introducing them to the dog and watching him welcome them to the family, letting them sleep in your arms or grab a tight hold of your finger with their little hand. I’ve been lucky enough to have two weeks’ paternity leave for each of my three and it was a special time for us as a family.

I also went for a few pints one night and drank too much, but that’s nobody’s business but mine.