Tran Thi Han, Vietnam: ‘I became a woman with no job, no career, and no fixed income’

[Part of the Inside:Out series marking the European Year for Development 2015]

(- In conversation with Tran Thi Thu Hien )

Tran Thi Han, 30, lives with her three children and husband’s family in Quang Ninh Province, Vietnam. She met Thanh (now 34) in 2003 and married him after one year. Both families were supportive of the union. However, family life was not as she expected, especially in terms of her husband’s family. At times they have made her life so hard that she has felt like she could not continue anymore.

With a trembling voice she said “In the beginning when we first fell in love, I was very happy when he took me home and introduced me to his parents, happy that I was loved and happy that I had built a home.”

Starting a new life with her new family, Han began working in the rice field, feeding farm animals and working on a 5,000m fish pond. When she gave birth, she expected a better and happier relationship with her husband’s family, but it was far from reality. She said:

“I became a woman with no job, no career, and no fixed income. My life and financial capacity was totally dependent on my husband’s family. Having my children, I had to rely more on my husband and parents-in-law. At the same time, I got punished and physically abused more often. My mother-in-law spoke words that were painful and unforgettable. Bleeding and in tears, I was powerless and helpless.

“As my husband is also dependent on his parents, he had no power and no rights to make any decisions. I remember one day when having dinner, my mother-in-law said to me: ‘You work little but eat a lot’. When my own parents were sick, I asked permission to visit and take care of them, she replied sarcastically with ‘Sure, just go, there is no need to tell me’. Or when I clean the house but didn’t reach her expectations she reprimanded me saying: ‘Where did you come from?! You are useless’. I was very hurt and sad. I just wanted to run away from this family but I was financially bound, without a house and with small children, where could I go?”

Being a daughter-in-law in Vietnam, she had to take care of all the housework such as cooking, cleaning, and caring for the elderly. She had to take care of her husband’s great-grandfather (he passed away two years ago). She had to join in any other chores in and around the house. When harvesting, she had to collect enough produce to hand in to her mother-in-law. Whenever she needed a little amount of money to buy things for her or her children, she had to ask her mother-in-law. She can only spend money when her mother-in-law agreed.

“My situation is unlike the situation of other women in this day and age. I never had a say in the family finances, when it concerned VND 2,000 (10 cents) or more. I have to ask my mother-in-law for money for daily meals and milk for the children. Because I had no son, my parents-in-law, brothers and sisters reminded me every day with great humiliation and forced me to have a son at any cost. We know that two children are enough but my mother-in-law said: “If Han cannot have a son, Thanh has to get married to another woman. It’s your responsibility to do that”.

Han’s mother-in-law is the leader of a local group and so has to attend activities organised by the People’s Committee and ActionAid Vietnam. Through those activities, she got a better understanding about women’s role in society and political activities, domestic violence against women and consultation with women suffering from violence. After learning about human rights and women’s rights over a number of sessions, she and the rest of the family’s attitudes changed towards their daughter-in-law.

Han said “I know that she has changed. Now she does housework together with me. And even better she said if we don’t want, it is not necessary to have more children though my husband and I still decided to have one more child anyway.”

[Part of the Inside:Out series marking the European Year for Development 2015]

ActionAid Ireland

ActionAid Ireland was established in 1983 and is a member of the ActionAid International Federation, with offices in 45 countries around the globe.

ActionAid has been partnering with Irish Aid for nearly 20 years. What started as a small-scale support for small initiatives has developed into a strong women’s rights programme being implemented in four countries: Malawi, Kenya, Vietnam and Nepal and is focused on ending violence against women and ensuring that women and girls can break the cycle of poverty and violence.

The Irish Aid-funded women’s rights programme supports local women’s groups to empower them to stand up for their rights in their own communities. In order to be able to do so they are, for example, provided with training and participation in businesses or cooperatives to gain financial independence, support their families and break their cycle of poverty and violence. However, these initiatives need to be sustainable and this cannot be done without national-level activities that challenge and change existing national policies negatively affecting women and girls, which ActionAid also work on.

One tool that we give to the women’s groups is the Reflect Circle Approach, where members sit in a circle and share their experiences; learn the basics of literacy, how to access information and how to demand their rights to different services more effectively. Reflect Circles have been shown to strengthen people’s dignity and self-confidence, as well as having an impact on improving health practices, children’s education and local community organisation.

Read more at actionaid.ie