My divorce: ‘I can’t afford more legal fees’

It's 20 years since Ireland voted for divorce. An Irish Times series, Divorced Ireland, explores the effects of that vote on Irish life, then and since. To read the full series click here

“I can’t afford more legal fees to qualify for a divorce. It’s not worth the money and the hassle unless he’s a millionaire or you have another man who wants to marry you. My ex lives abroad and sees our children on occasional weekends. He pays no maintenance or child support.

“My ex left when I was pregnant with our eldest, and he was tremendously deadbeat in that period. We went on to reconcile several years later and had another child. Why? I really wanted another child and I couldn’t have two children with two different fathers.

“When I was pregnant with our second child my husband disappeared again, but he never formally left me. Then I found out he was seeing someone else. During these years of ups and downs I was earning a six-figure income, so when the marriage broke down again I instigated separation proceedings in the knowledge that I could support the children on my own.

Mortgage problems

“But the birth of my second child brought all sorts of conflicted feelings. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother.

“I left my job with a lump sum, but this coincided with the recession, and soon my mortgage was spiralling out of control. I’m earning again now, but it’s hard to get out of years of debt.

“Finding a committed, loving relationship is difficult for a woman who is separated or divorced with children. Many of my married female friends have dumped me. In a certain clique you become a problem.

“At one point before I left the big job, and when I could afford it, I was going out on Friday nights, and there were younger men. They’re a lot of fun, but it wouldn’t be long term. Younger men want to wait for the girl who can breed.”