House Rules: How to look rich

Sash windows and swagged curtains lend an air of money and taste

They can be spotted on streets across Ireland: those houses, usually bought in the boom, that cost considerably more than their original occupants could have imagined. These are the semi-ds that have been transformed from former council houses, or regular family homes, into something more aspirational.

So what do you need if you want to announce your arrival into the higher echelons of money and style, but your budget doesn’t quite stretch to full-on Georgian grandeur? The formula is simple, so stick to these ingredients for maximum upward kerb appeal:

Farrow and Ball for your door. It’s the paint of choice for both the arriviste and the already-arrived. The only shame is they don’t make labels in case anyone misses it. The rest of the facade gets painted off-white.

Ditch the uPVC. This one is going to cost you a little more, but you’re going to need to put in wooden sash windows, with white-painted frames. Colour, even if it matches your door, is just a little too artisan.

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Curtains, as seen through the windows, need to be silk or chintz in a pale shade, and unfortunately they also have to be swagged. An extravagant billow, plus soft rope tieback, must be visible from the street.

Get rid of the garden. Even if you have a lovely clutch of old-fashioned roses, the upwardly mobile club won’t wear it.

Everything out the front has to be gravelled, with a spot of paving for the path. Restrained topiary finishes it off. Not elephants and unicorns carefully clipped from box rising above the hedgerow, but a pair of nicely shaped bays in planters flanking the front door seals the deal.

And what about your car? A spotless Range Rover, obviously, without a hint of it ever having met the muddy fields it was originally created for.

But please note: if you want to look like really old money, ignore the above, let the roses run rampant, let the paint peel and swap your 161 reg for an ancient muddy Saab.