I want to have sex, but I know sex shouldn’t feel like this
Tell me about it: my body seizes when it comes to any form of penetration
The psychological component of vaginismus can be related to strict religious upbringing, fear of pregnancy, past negative experiences or other internalised sexual messages. Photograph: iStock
I am a 20-year-old female, a recent professional graduate and have just started working in a really exciting role. I have loads of plans for the next few years. Life is generally very good. I get quite a bit of interest from men and have been on lots of dates, although I haven’t had full sex in about four years. When I was 17 I lost my virginity and it was an awful experience. I did consent and was not forced in any way, but the foreplay seemed rough and he treated me afterwards like I was an object. Although not directly naming me, he made jokes about the experience on social media. Even thinking about it now makes me feel sick. It hasn’t stopped me wanting to have sex and there are things that I can do. But when it comes to any form of penetration, it seems like my body seizes and I start to feel pain and we have to stop. Luckily, the men I have been with in the past few years have been really nice and patient and so far it hasn’t stopped me completely from having relationships. The thing is, I really want to have sex, and I am worried that it might never happen again. I don’t know if I was damaged in some way at the time I lost my virginity, but I know sex shouldn’t feel like this.