Why is Seabiscuit's trailer bigger than mine? Do you know who I am?

We've all heard stories about difficult film stars – but the human prima donnas haven't a patch on their equine co-stars, as Hollywood horse wrangler Lisa Brown tells TARA BRADY

IT’S IMPOSSIBLE to look at a racehorse without admiring its fine form or pondering the animal’s complicated evolution alongside Homo sapiens. You’d think these beautiful, sophisticated beasts would have some manners. You’d be wrong.

“Racehorses are temperamental and highly strung,” says Hollywood horsewoman Brown. “I find most of them spoiled, not broke to lead, and very pushy.” The short- arses of the equine world are no picnic either.

“You have to watch out for ponies,” says Lisa. “They can be bratty too. Some are worse than the thoroughbreds.”

Well, she ought to know. The daughter of interior designer Howard Hirsch and art gallery owner Audrey Brown, Lisa, a genuine California cowgirl, was called into equestrianism at a young age and has never looked back.

“I grew up near the beaches west of Santa Monica and Malibu area,” she says. “I started riding at the local stable on the weekends when I was about eight, and loved it. By the time I was 11, I had a weekend job at a place called Ponyland, shovelling poop for 75 cents an hour.

“Growing up in the Los Angeles area there were a lot of horse barns and movie horse barns and very wealthy people with horses. So I worked shovelling stalls to ride.”

Since these early adventures in pony poop, Brown has worked the entire horsey circuit. Following a stint on the tracks at Santa Anita and Pomona, she spent more than a decade training polo ponies at Will Rogers State Historic Park in Pacific Palisades, an idyllic and glamorous spot where she rubbed shoulders with such Hollywood folk as Michael Keaton and Jim Carrey.

“We worked with inner-city kids,” she says. “But I also had Arnold Schwarzenegger’s kids over and Ron Howard’s kids. I even had Larry Mullen of U2 come out with his young son Adam. He took home movies and was one of the nicest, most grounded, socially responsible celebrities I have ever met.”

In 1990 she was galloping across the horizon when Billy Crystal spotted her and snapped her up for equine duties on City Slickers. It was the start of a glittering on-screen career for her equine charges.

“Then the next year Billy asked me if I could bring my horse Beechnut to the Academy Awards for him to ride on live TV,” says Brown. “It went beautifully – without a hitch. He didn’t even poop on stage. It was luck really. Ha. But that’s when I started getting a reputation for being a good hand with horses.”

She finally broke into movies through Rusty Hendrickson, one of Tinseltown's most respected animal wranglers. They bonded in a moment that might have been written for The Horse Whisperer.

“I had a thoroughbred mare at that time that was very difficult to ride,” recalls Lisa. “She was not very trusting, and not really one of my favourites. Rusty had me help him lay her down, and wow, What a difference that made. From that day on she trusted me and became one of the greatest polo ponies in my string. There are many ways to train a horse, and they remember every ride.”

Brown’s current job title is that of Horse Continuity Wrangler, a designation that demands both skill with animals and artistic flair.

"I paint horses to match," she explains. "We usually use a few horses to play the main one. So I paint spots and socks and put in fake manes and forelocks so nobody can tell." She has recently wrapped on the Coen Brothers' remake of True Grit, her third major film of 2010 following Jonah Hex and Secretariat. The latter, a Disney biopic of a 1973 US Triple Crown-winning racehorse, starring Diane Lane and John Malkovich, hits Irish cinemas next week.

“Every movie is a bit different,” says Brown. “Because Jonah Hex was a western, the horses were all quarter horse geldings. We can load them all up in a stock trailer and they’re good to go. They are our main cast horses. We don’t use mares ever. They cause too much trouble. The geldings fight over them.”

Even without lady horses to distract them, the Secretariatstring proved a lot of work.

“They were so wilful in the beginning,” recalls the wrangler. “You have to trailer racehorses in separate compartments with dividers so they won’t kick each other. You can’t turn them all out into a big pasture for the same reason. Most of a racehorses’ life is spent in a 10x10 barn stall with no physical interaction with other horses. These are herd animals. No wonder they get cranky living that way. Rusty bought two chestnut thoroughbreds for the lead roles. In the months of prep before he turned them out together, he had a talented wrangler named Mark Warrack ride them in a western saddle and give them manners.

" The Secretariathorses were almost dangerous to paint as they would try and kick you. I learned to be very quick and efficient."

The human actors were just as likely to misbehave: “John Malkovich loves animals and won’t stop bringing his horse peppermints. We never hand-feed. It teaches a horse to bite. I had to look the other way.”

She insists that equine actors are not created equal and that certain horses are naturally cut out for the Hollywood life. “Nothing really bothers the good screen horses,” she says. “They’re kind-hearted, they don’t spook easily, and they’re trusting of their trainer. They’re able to work with an actor who does not really ride well. Some need to be able to handle gunshots and loud noises. Many a good horse can be ruined by such loud noises in excess. A really schooled high-level dressage or reining horse does not make a great cast horse as they are just too complicated for the average actor to ride.”

She cites John Wayne's Dollar as one of her favourite horse performers of all time, along with Ribbon, who was recently seen in Flickaand bearing Russell Crowe in 3:10 to Yuma.

“And then there’s my own buckskin, Topper,” she says. “You’ll be seeing a lot more of him in True Grit. It’s hard to pick favourites. There are so many good, kind horses that do their jobs well and make the actors look good. I’m sure CGI will take over one day and all us wranglers and stunt people and horses will be out of a job. But for now we’re still here, a dying breed.”

Secretariat opens December 3; True Grit opens January 14