Two pints: the word on Katie Taylor

In Roddy Doyle’s new book, two men meet in a Dublin pub and talk about everything from family to football, finance and Donna Summer. Here they give their views on Ireland’s Olympic boxing hero

8-8-12: THE SEMI-FINAL

– You’re in early.

– So are you.

– I need a fuckin’ pint.

– You were watchin’ Katie Taylor, yeah?

– Brilliant.

– Fuckin’ brilliant.

–Did yeh ever think watchin’ a girl boxin’ the head off another girl would make yeh feel so proud?

– Gas, isn’t it?

– Will she win the gold but?

– Foregone conclusion.

– No doubts at all?

– None.

– How come?

– She’s from Bray.

– Wha’?

– Did yeh ever walk through Bray on a Saturday nigh’, did yeh?

– No.

– It’s either boxin’ or sprintin’.

– Makes sense. See the Brits were claimin’ her, but. The Daily Telegraph or somethin’.

– Never mind the Brits. We’ll start worryin’ if the Germans start claimin’ her.

– Or the IMF – we’ll eliminate the debt in exchange for Katie Taylor.

– No deal, lads. We’ll take the debt.

– She’s ours.

– She is.

– An’ see your man, the showjumper, the one with the horse tha’ cheated – he’s doin’ well too.

– Fuck’m.

– Yeah.

9-8-12: THE FINAL

– Jesus, man – me heart.

– It was close.

– Jesus

– But she won.

– She’s brilliant.

– Just brilliant.

– I love her.

– Me too. Your man on the telly’s right. She’s a fuckin’ legend.

– She’s a born-again Christian as well. Did yeh know tha’?

– God is my shield – yeah. That’s what’s made her a gold medallist.

– Wha’?

– The religion.

– Wha’?

– No, listen. If she was a Catholic, righ’, she’d’ve been happy with the bronze.

– Wha’?!

– It’s always the same. We qualify for somethin’ or we get to a final or a semi-final and that’s grand – we’re there for the fuckin’ party. But the born-agains – Jesus.

– You’re serious.

– It was the same with the War of Independence. We won three-quarters o’ the country and then we said, That’ll do us. An’ we went home for our fuckin’ tea.

– But if we’d been born-again Christians, we’d’ve kept goin’?

– The fourth green field, yeah – no bother. And on into Scotland – an’ Iceland – an’ fuckin’ Zimbabwe.

– Yeh might be righ’.

– Think about it.

– When was the last time we won a gold without cheatin’?

– Twenty years – Michael Carruth.

– So maybe honesty is the best policy.

– Ah now – calm down.

Extracted from Two Pints, by Roddy Doyle, which will be published by Jonathan Cape on November 1st at £6.99; © Roddy Doyle 2012