Screenwriter »

• “The film the Vatican doesn’t want you to see.”

  March 5, 2012 @ 10:50 pm | by Donald Clarke

  

  In the unlikely event that it cares, the Vatican will be happy to hear that I have not yet seen the film that it doesn’t want me to see. I have, however, seen the poster. The Devil Inside is a mid-budget exorcism horror that, to almost everybody’s surprise, became something of a smash in the US at the start of the year. Actually, this is not the first time that an unprepossessing shocker has stormed the US box office in the post-Yuletide period. If you want to make some money with your cheap programmer then sling it out when every other studio is still sleeping off the mince pies.

  Anyway, that poster. This strange artifact carries an extraordinary quote above the title. Attributed to the delightfully named Naibe Reynoso (surely an anagram) from some Mexican-American radio station, the line reads: “The film the Vatican doesn’t want you to see.” Now, I have done some very rigorous research — none of which involved me sitting on my arse while accessing Google — and I have failed to find evidence of the Vatican trying to stop me (or, indeed, anyone else) from seeing this promising entertainment. It’s almost as if they don’t give a toss.

  That’s not the point. What’s interesting about this business is the way distributors now regard (made-up) outrage from the Vatican as a genuine selling point. I suppose it was ever thus. When Father Dougal and Father Ted stood outside the Craggy Island cinema clutching signs reading “Down with this sort of thing!” they only served to generate interest in The Passion of Saint Tibulus. The BBC has created more than a few superstars by banning supposedly lubricious records.

  It remains, however, bizarre that, in a nominally Catholic country, film distributors choose to plaster the walls with posters telling us that the hierarchy forbids attendance at the advertised event. This could spread throughout the publicity industry.

  Nivea, the face cream the Pope tried to ban.

  Over 80 percent of archbishops named Cilit Bang as the degreaser most likely to encourage satanism.

  Cadbury’s Caramel, certified sinfully delicious by the conclave of cardinals.

  And so on. Don’t laugh. It could happen.

• Hall Pass and another interesting poster

  March 11, 2011 @ 10:58 pm | by Donald Clarke

  Following on from our discussion about The Company Men, here’s another interesting case study of publicity wonks in action. Hall Pass, the latest film from the Farrelly Brothers, is released today. It’s not very good. Like too many of their recent films, the cheekiness is overwhelmed by sentimentality and the occasional rudeness fails to distract from the overriding conservatism. How the hell are they going to sell that to the UK and Ireland? With Stephen Merchant. That’s how. Observe the main poster for these territories.

  

  As you may be aware, the film concerns two suburban rogues who, after ogling one too many passing women, are allowed a week’s freedom from marriage. Inevitably, it doesn’t go too well. Never fear. This image promises that the perennially amusing Stephen, partner and equal of Ricky Gervais, will be always at their side. Do not be deceived. Merchant is just one of four or five buddies who lurk in the background. It is certainly true that (not saying much) he has the funniest scene in the film. At the screening I attended, every critic paused, halfway aloft, during a skit Stephen delivers over the end credits and, as one, turned and said: “That was the only reason to watch the bloody film.”

  Nonetheless, his role is, probably, about the seventh or eighth largest in the film (far smaller than a surprisingly awful turn from the normally reliable Richard Jenkins). You might as well construct a poster for Withnail and I featuring Paul McGann, Richard E Grant and the old lady from the teashop. It’s not worth getting fussed about. Stephen is in the film and he is funny. But the cynicism is quite striking. It hardly needs to be said that he’s not on the American poster.

  The good news is that this means the suits recognise Steve’s talent and will find him plenty more amusing cameos. He was also the best thing in Tooth Fairy. Mind you, it’s not something you’d want on your tombstone. “Here’s lies Stephen Merchant. In 2010, he upstaged The Rock.”

• Homage or rip off?

  March 6, 2011 @ 2:56 pm | by Donald Clarke

  This is a genuine question. You may have seen the posters for The Company Men, a redundancy drama starring Hollywood’s finest, littering up your local bus shelter. Does it remind you of anything?

  

  Hmm? A bunch of wage slaves worry beneath a grinding metaphor: the tightrope walker suggests, I imagine, the precarious nature of their employment. Very clever. Very resonant. Very like the poster for a better film.

  

  Look, it’s the same metaphor. It’s hard to know what the distributors’ intentions are here. Glengarry Glen Ross is a peculiar beast. It didn’t make much money on release and most contemporaneous critics viewed it as a fairly unimaginative — though brilliantly acted — version of a fine David Mamet play. (Of a David Mamet play? Yes, a play by David Mamet. David Mamet wrote the play. A play by David Mamet.) Since its release in 1992, however, it has gained a deserved cult following. By referencing the earlier piece, the folk behind The Company Men are, surely, just going to remind us how ordinary their dialogue is in comparison to Mamet’s. (To Mamet’s dialogue? Yes, David f***ing Mamet’s dialogue. Mamet wrote the dialogue.)

  Then again, maybe the reference was subconscious or entirely accidental. After all, Leibniz and Newton came up with the calculus independently.

• Do I have an improper mind?

  October 27, 2009 @ 11:49 pm | by Donald Clarke

  Do I have an improper mind or is there something a little, well, off about this poster for Disney’s upcoming animated version of A Christmas Carol? Maybe Scrooge (who never married, remember) is just excited to be clutching his flying pointy-thing. Quite right too. While astride something that thrilling, who would waste time thinking about Tiny Tim ?