Trailerspotting Considers The Wolfman
It’s ominous. It’s an evil omen. Wooooo!
What’s an evil omen? Being shuffled around the schedule like a veruca patient at an emergency ward during a hideous bus crash. That’s what. If my memory serves me, The Wolfman was originally supposed to be released in 1618, but was cancelled due to the unexpected outbreak of the Thirty Years’ War. Since then its movements about the calendar have been so frequent and complex that ascertaining its current release date has become as difficult as accurately assessing longtitude on a Viking drekar.
Anyway, after toying with a November outing, it now seems reasonably certain that the the hairiest of the classic monsters will return just before Valentine’s Day. KISS AND HELL! FANCY A WOLFWHISTLE THIS VALENTINE? Okay, so those are all appalling. Who made you secretary of state at the Department of Taglines, anyway? Shut up and watch the trailer…
Could you be any more negative. It could be okay. Yeah, so it does look eerily (eerie in a bad way) like the cataclysmically frightful Van Helsing. True, it’s hard to shake the notion that the film only exists because somebody looked at a photograph of Benicio del Toro and realised they wouldn’t need all that much makeup for this Wolfman. Okay, we appear to be back in the era where horror films — or at least their trailers — were scored with a singularly unfrightening class of Belgian moron metal. But Hugo Weaving’s shaved fetus-like werewolf seems pretty scary, doesn’t it? No? Oh, I don’t know why I bother.
In any case, we all know who should play The Wolfman. This guy…
If you look up stamina in the dictionary Shouty McDiatribe’s YouTube video will be there. Nice bellowing, sir. By Tuesday lunchtime you will be bigger than Jedward.
10:31 am
Believe it or not, I’m actually looking forward to this over excessive remake of The Wolf Man.
I watched the original in my youth and quite frankly it bored the arse off me.
The problem is not that it’s coming out in a clichéd-era of where monster/horror/fantasy/sci-fi movies are now “acceptable” by the general public and no longer niche genres. The problem is it is yet another example of Hollywood literally grasping at strays to bring us movies of stories we’ve already heard before.
Let’s face it, we all know how this film is going to play out unless of course you’ve never actually seen a werewolf film…. then again a lot of people can pretty much figure out the standard structure of your standard werewolf movie thanks to a history or pop-culture.
Bitten
Full Moon
Change
Blaaaar
Silver Bullet
Dead! (Enter transforming back)
This reminds me of when i was recently talking to a person work, somehow the conversation landed on the topic of Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde his unawareness was laid bare when he said “it’s about the guy who drinks the potion and becomes the monster”
To which I was only obligated to inform him that “No, that’s a substandard approximation of the plot twist, do you know what the story is actually about?”
Guess what his answer was… I’ll tell you, it was No.
But that’s my point, in a sense he doesn’t need to read the book or see and of the film because in fairness he does know the only part really worth knowing in regards to it’s story.
Hell if you think about it, Fight Club is a modern day Jekyll/Hyde scenario.
Same goes for Frankenstein, the original Movies are vastly different from the Novel, but people get the Idea… don’t have me mention Dracula.
(I was going to go on a big rant here about Tim Burton’s dire-looking Alice In Wonderland, but that’s a rant for another blog time)
So anyway what I was saying is that I’m willing to sit down for the duration of this Wolf Man… After all this “pussyfied” commerciality the sickening Twilight franchise has brought to the Monsters, it can only be better than Van Helsing. But I doubt it’ll be better than Teen Wolf… I mean come on, a basketball playing werewolf rocking out to the Beach Boys whilst in handstand, urban surfing on top of a Van: Inspired! How does one top that?
Comment by Smurphette