Present Tense »

• Saturday column: Pitching it right

  May 25, 2008 @ 11:28 am | by Shane Hegarty

  WEDNESDAY NIGHT WAS a long, long night of Champions League football and an even longer night of football coverage, although this applied more to RTÉ than to ITV or Sky Sports.

  If the stats had popped up on the screen, in football terms RTÉ would have spent far more time on the pitch than its rivals, because once half-time was done and dusted, the broadcaster didn’t go to a single commercial break until well after the last unused substitute had danced around the trophy. Instead, the Irish viewer was treated to analysis before extra time, during its half-time changeover and before the penalty shoot-out. A small screen – with mini-Giles, Dunphy, Brady and O’Herlihy – even slid into view at the appropriate moments.

  ITV, on the other hand, gave the viewer ads. Lots and lots of ads. It was only just short of squeezing one in between each of the penalties. And when it had run out of ads, it took a minute to remind viewers of what other sporting action it had in store. Finally, it got to analysing the action, although the important action was flashed through so quickly that its panellists had little time to actually talk about it. Instead, they clung to the platitudes that help them float at such moments. (more…)

• The first of many

  May 22, 2008 @ 10:45 am | by Shane Hegarty

  As (possibly) already seen in your inbox.

• R-R-Ronaldo is a d-d-diver

  May 21, 2008 @ 1:47 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  Last night’s ITV tee-up for the Champions League final included a mash-up in which DJ Yoda mixed and scratched Chelsea and Man U footage with a few tunes. Sounds like a cool enough idea. Yet, as soon as Robbie Earle pops up, you know that this effort to get down with the kids just isn’t going to work.

  

• Martin Finnegan

  May 6, 2008 @ 3:21 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  For those outside either outside the motor-racing scene or its heartland areas, the death of Martin Finnegan at the Tandragee 100 last weekend may not really register. To get a sense of how big a figure he was in a sport that gets little coverage despite its popularity here, I’m posting a couple of videos of the convoy that brought him home to Lusk on Monday.

  It takes a full five minutes for the convoy to pass in the first clip. The second shows the reception given to him by the people of his home town, Lusk.

  
  

• Gol de Scholes

  April 30, 2008 @ 1:06 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  Rubbish video, but you get the point. It’s Fox Espanol’s Gol de Scholes song. If you find a better version, let me know.

  

• Laughing at Liverpool’s own goal

  April 23, 2008 @ 2:28 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  The problem with last night’s match was that some of us didn’t know which team we wanted to lose more. But thanks to John Arne Riise’s own goal at the death, neutrals got a good laugh at the end of a turgid game.

  Phil Thompson isn’t neutral, but is an ex-Liverpool legend and can these days be found as one of those strange breed of commentators who watch matches on a hidden screen and relay what’s happening. He was doing it for Sky Sports News last night, and at least one person was watching because Thompson’s priceless reaction to Riise’s goal is now up on YouTube.

  

• The national sport…

  April 21, 2008 @ 11:44 am | by Shane Hegarty

  …is waving at TV cameras. And the RTÉ report from yesterday’s Tipperary v Galway match features a world class display from several individuals, and clearly confirms our place as the world leaders at edging into shot.

  As ever, most of the wavers are kids (including an impressive nipple-rubbing display at the very end), but there is the all-important quota of middle-aged men getting a slice of the action so they can get a cheer in the pub later in the evening.

  Watch it (from exactly 2 minutes in) here.

  Feel your national pride swell.

• Olympic torch relay: move along, nothing to see here

  April 7, 2008 @ 10:29 am | by Shane Hegarty

  UPDATE: According to reports, the flame has been extinguished by officials and the torch put on a bus in order to avoid protests. Lots of YouTube updates here.

  The scenes along the Olympic torch relay route yesterday were extraordinary. Blue-tracksuited Chinese surrounded by yellow-jacketed police, trying to fend off invaders, so that by the end the torch and its bearers were almost invisible behind a bouncing wall of paranoia. (more…)

• Bye Eddie. It’s not you, it’s us. OK then, it’s you…

  March 20, 2008 @ 10:18 am | by Shane Hegarty

  We had some good times together. The rainswept night at Lansdowne when we destroyed the Australians. Winning the first of our recent Triple Crowns (don’t say it didn’t mean something to you). Beating England four times on the bounce.

  But it’s over now. It had been drifting for some time now, we both knew that. It had become stale, familiar. The seven-year itch was kicking in. We had hoped for so much more, but perhaps we expected too much. We had some fun, but it was never going to last. It’s time to move on, to get on with our lives. For the sake of the kids.

  As a mark of respect, we shall be wearing our collars at half-mast today.

• Ireland v Wales: some observations

  March 10, 2008 @ 8:05 am | by Shane Hegarty

  1) Boy, did the novelty of Croke Park wear off quick. The Moon has had more atmosphere over the past few weeks.

  2) If they must insist on the irritating practise of playing music at crucial moments – Carmina Burana when the team runs out; a bit of racy diddly-eye when Ireland scores – then they should carry through the idea fully. Some Russian funeral music when we concede; Beck’s Loser when we traipse off defeated; the Laurel and Hardy theme tune whenever Bernard Jackman lumbers on the pitch.

  3) It was €70 for a ticket. The match in Paris cost €32 for an almost identical view as the one I had at Croke Park this season. Presumably, when the IRFU gets its own stadium back and doesn’t have to do the lodger thing anymore, the ticket prices will come down. Yes … and they’ll have marshmallow cushions and free massages too.

  4) One good result: they’ve been working hard to get the time down between the teams running on the pitch and the match starting. They shaved a full minute off it on Saturday, cutting the preamble to only 14 mins. It’s hard to identify where the time was made up, but it’s possible that Mary McAleese has been working hard on the Stairmaster.

• Welsh take the mick out of us

  February 28, 2008 @ 9:34 am | by Shane Hegarty

  Can we declare war?

  

• Ireland v Scotland: after all the hanging around

  February 26, 2008 @ 10:12 am | by Shane Hegarty

  Back to the weekend’s rugby, for a moment. Some observations.

  Before we get to the match itself, by the end of the eight and a half hours of broadcasting, didn’t George Hook look knackered?

  Like a drunk at closing time. Or a fighter in the corner as the bell goes for the last round. He roused himself as much as possible, but it was clear that a marathon bout had taken its toll.

  Now, to Croke Park. (more…)

• Trapattoni, O’Brien, Bertie and RTÉ

  February 13, 2008 @ 6:57 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  First, RTÉ Radio 1 cut the FAI press conference early, which was frustrating in itself. Then Drivetime’s Mary Wilson went to an interview with Denis O’Brien, whose modesty does not stretch to preventing himself from going on the national airwaves to admit that it was, indeed, he who has quietly come to the rescue of Irish soccer. No strings attached. The thanks of the Irish people will be enough. Adoration would be a bonus. OK, then, you may kiss his ring.

  (By the way, at the press conference it was suggested that O’Brien hasn’t done it for match tickets. I’m guessing that, should he want to, he can already watch the match from behind bulletproof glass, while being fed champagne and caviar by women dressed in nothing but 1988 Irish jerseys.)

  But from there, Wilson went to the only man more likely to somehow turn this great moment for Irish soccer into a personal triumph – Bertie Ahern. Why ask Bertie what he thinks? Because he’s An Taoiseach Jimmy Rabbitte.

  And in fairness to him, he showed once again that he has a future in football punditry by spouting dull cliche with the verve of a pro. Thank you RTÉ for giving us the chance to hear his forgettable platitudes.

• Notes from a large Île

  February 11, 2008 @ 1:27 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  - I’m beginning to think that the rugby match is a penance that must be gone through in order to enjoy the rest of the weekend in Paris. People keep telling me that it was a great game. No it wasn’t. It was torture, compounded by how victory briefly appeared inevitable. A 30-point defeat is a clean cut to the soul. A narrow one after a surprise comeback is a cruel botch job.

  - It was, without doubt, the worst rendition of Ireland’s Call yet. The male voice choir went a capella, starting with a low groan and then setting off at a random pace. You wondered how any team could avoid being enervated by it, never mind inspired.

  - A truly great national anthem is one that makes even your enemies sing along. I haven’t been at a Paris game yet without hearing a few Irish voices join in with La Marseillaise. All together now, Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Naaaaa-Na-Na…

  - Blue skies, warmth in the sun, the cafés and markets buzzing, the bars open all night. When you come back to Dublin, you feel immediately inadequate. (more…)

• Three changes to Irish team. No change to the knot in my gut

  February 5, 2008 @ 1:17 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  Two years ago, when the Irish rugby team was 40 points down against France in Paris, I left my seat in the stands and went for a beer. It was the only thing left to believe in. I ordered a beer, gave the ridiculous sum of money to the barman, and headed back to my seat. As I did, someone in the queue said to me, “You know that beer’s non-alcoholic, don’t you?”

  It was one of the lowest moments of my life.

  I’m a natural pessimist when it comes to Irish sport, for the good reason that I witnessed every international rugby match of the 1990s. That was bound to leave a scar. I’ll be in Paris this weekend for the Six Nations match against France, and I have never travelled with such fear as before. I’ve gone with blind optimism, sneaky hope and a niggling sense of foreboding, but never with the certainty that we’re going to be shredded, trounced, destroyed, and that all the dreams of being alive to see an Irish Grand Slam will once again disappear.

  The team has been announced. Jackman, Heaslip and Kearney are in. But there’s a sense that this coach has run his course. That he is falling foul of the gravity that affects almost every single sports manager or coach. That failure is inevitable. That the O’Sullivan era is over.

  And that I’m spending a lot of money to go to Paris and bear witness to it.

• Laughing now, because after Saturday we won’t be able to

  @ 11:18 am | by Shane Hegarty

  Doing the rounds: England’s new rugby shirt.

  

• What would Jesus do (take a scrum or line-out?)

  January 29, 2008 @ 9:02 am | by Shane Hegarty

  At least one school had a Mass ahead of its Leinster Senior Cup rugby match this week.

  It’s interesting to hear that God takes time out from his busy schedule – deciding who lives and dies, triggering natural disasters, fiddling the Republican nomination race – to pay an interest in schools rugby. Maybe he went to a school for fee-paying dieties. Maybe he has a couple of quid on the outcome. Whatever, other schools will now need to up the ante in order to curry his favour. Ritual sacrifice before the match, perhaps.

  Seriously, I’m amazed that anyone would think that any God would bother influencing a minor sporting event on this sprawling planet. With the Olympics coming up, he’ll be far too busy trying to decide which God-bothering sprinter should win the 100m.

• Stephen Ireland: dignified

  November 6, 2007 @ 11:27 am | by Shane Hegarty

  What would his late grandmothers think?

• Chasing the ratings

  November 2, 2007 @ 9:41 am | by Shane Hegarty

  A couple of years ago, Hector O’Heochagain and Risteard Cooper made Chasing The Lions, a poor programme which had no match footage because it was made for TV3. Last night, they gave us Chasing The Blues, a passable show which they made for RTE, but had no match footage because it belonged to TV3.

  What we learned last night was that there is something more painful than watching Ireland tank in a rugby match – watching Hector’s reaction to Ireland tanking in a rugby match.

  Presumably, they made it in the obvious hope that a glorious tournament would give them a great programme and massive DVD sales. But the ad for the DVD which followed the programme didn’t have a voiceover, possibly because the continuity announcer was a little embarrassed by the idea that he might be responsible for people getting that in their sock this Christmas. “Wow, look what Santy brought me! A DVD following a losing team! Packed with no footage! Great!”

• Why I’m supporting England

  October 18, 2007 @ 9:54 pm | by Shane Hegarty

  In Saturday night’s Rugby World Cup Final I will be whole-heartedly supporting England.

  I would say that this goes against the habit of a lifetime, except that two weeks ago I supported England against Australia, deciding that it would be fun to see the arrogance of the Aussies getting punctured by a bunch of disorganised no-hopers whom they treated with disdain during the lead up.

  Plus, I have this daft need to root for the Northern Hemisphere. As if we’re all one big happy hemisphere. From Galway to Guangdong, rooting for our own. “Give me an N. Give me an O. Give me an R, Give me a T…” (more…)

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